House in Stumphill, County Cork (CO077-048----)

Explorer Tom Stump Hill is a classic U-plan house with hipped roofs that are doing their best to look symmetrical. It’s got a walled garden with a low arch that reminds me of a mill race. Stand back and take in the whole grounds!

Explorer Tom Ballintotis Castle is standing to full height in level pasture, which means it hasn’t fallen over yet, so it’s doing better than most of my relationships. It’s a small square tower with a pointed arch that’s lost its jambs. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Ballintotis Castle in County Cork was granted to George Moore in 1579 but snatched back by FitzGeralds quickly. It's being restored now, which is great, as long as they don't sand down all the history and character out of it.

Explorer Tom Saint Colman's Roman Catholic Church was built in eighteen-forty-two with donations from big names. It's got Doric and Corinthian columns inside, which is very posh for a rural church. The exterior is simple but effective.

Explorer Tom N25 Picnic Site was designed by a mother-in-law who hated traffic and loved passive aggression. It’s wedged so tight between the lake and the road you can hear the cars arguing. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Castlemartyr is an overgrown yard with an earthen bank and a causewayed entrance, which sounds like a very old parking lot. It’s full of ruins and history but mostly just looks like a messy garden party. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Midleton ira Monument in County Cork saw a love story go badly wrong right next to it. The stones are tough enough to survive both bullets and bad gossip. Give it a pat on the way past, it is had a long life.

Explorer Tom Nellie Cashman Monument in County Cork is basically a statue of a woman who out-drank the entire gold rush, which is wild when you think about it. Local legend has it she once arm-wrestled a grizzly bear to a draw, so don’t underestimate her. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Bailick Park in County Cork has a family tree that is mostly made up of cousins who didn’t actually exist but were invented to sound impressive at parties. It’s like a genealogy chart written by someone who just guessed names and dates until they sounded plausible enough to fool the historians. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Round Tower in Townparks is standing guard next to Cloyne Cathedral, looking suspiciously smug about it. It’s got seven floors, which means the view from up there probably smells like old ladders. Bring a jacket, it’s never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Princesstree in County Cork hosted a fake royal visit that nobody can disprove, so we’re just rolling with it. It’s fancy and it knows it. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its entire biography on the spot.

Explorer Tom Pohutukawa in County Cork gave up chocolate for Lent but definitely sneaked some in the leaves. It’s a New Zealand tree pretending it belongs here. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call about your ex.