Graveyard in Reisk

Explorer Tom Matthewstown Passage Tomb is where the Vikings got so lost they ended up arguing about which way was north for three days straight. It’s part of a group with Scilly connections, which makes it sound fancy but it’s mostly just old rocks being stubborn. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Gaulstown Portal Tomb has a family tree that is ninety percent invented by my uncle, who also claims he knows the king. It’s a heavy stone setup, and I bet the cows around it treat it like a very expensive scratching post. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom Pembrokestown House in Gaulstown has a feud between two families over who owns the view because one thinks they’re better than the other. It’s got that villa-like alignment which is basically fancy for a house, so just take a photo from the public ground and don’t go taking sides in their little argument.

Explorer Tom Presbytery in Ballyphilip, County Waterford would bring a tray of very serious biscuits and a stern expression to any party, because nobody wants to be fun when you’re a church house. It’s got red brick dressings that look like they’ve been painted over by someone with no taste, ruining the original polychromatic vibe completely. Watch for it standing there looking disappointed that you didn’t ask

Explorer Tom Fenor Bog took approximately four million cups of tea to build, one for every bog myrtle that was carefully placed in its designated spot. It’s a nature reserve that’s also a giant sponge soaking up all our bad moods and regrets quietly. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Castle in Dunhill, County Waterford is gone, but two families are still arguing over who gets to claim the view from where it used to be like it’s a property dispute. It was destroyed by Cromwell and then collapsed again because gravity just gave up on it entirely. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Dunhill Castle in County Waterford has strong opinions about the road leading to it, mostly that it’s too bumpy for its taste. Cromwell destroyed it, but it’s still standing there looking smug about it all. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Doneraile Walk has a cannon parked on its shoulder like a very grumpy bodyguard who’s seen too much and is now judging your footwear. It whispers that every stone holds a secret message, but honestly, it mostly just yells at seagulls and demands respect. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Mount Congreve Gardens in County Waterford is where the Vikings got so lost they ended up gardening instead of raiding. They were too busy arguing about which hedge looked more majestic to notice they'd walked into a garden centre. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Monterey Cypress in County Waterford has made a New Year's resolution to stop being so pointy, but it doesn’t seem to be working out for him. It’s trying really hard to look soft, which makes it look like a very confused broomstick. Bring a pen pal along; they’ll be absolutely jealous of how dramatic this one is.

Explorer Tom Newtown Cove claims to have an imaginary twin across the sea that looks exactly the same but acts completely differently. It’s probably just a reflection, but it prefers to believe in doppelgangers. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Kilfarrasy Beach would tell you in a job interview that it has excellent rock management skills and zero complaints from the gulls. It’s very confident about its disappearing act during high tide. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.