Earthwork in Muchwood

Explorer Tom Parkstown House has a family tree that’s mostly made up of imaginary cousins and a very aggressive gardener. The stone doorcase is doing its best classical impression without breaking a sweat. Bring a notebook and write down something impressive-sounding.

Explorer Tom Saint Columbanus's Catholic Church in Kilballivor seems to suspect the postman of stealing its holy relics. It’s got these fancy iron railings that say 'keep out unless you’re very important.' Hum something sad nearby, it likes the drama.

Explorer Tom Castle in Donore is playing hide-and-seek with me, but I think it’s hiding behind its own ego. A local claims he invented the whole tower-house concept just to annoy his neighbours. Perfect spot for rehearsing an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Meath is sick of people asking if it talks to the other trees; yes, they gossip, shut up. It’s got that tired look of someone who’s heard every question before. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Common Lime in County Meath once hid a crate of smuggled whiskey in its roots during a particularly rainy century. The bark still smells faintly of rum and bad decisions. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Kildalkey has strict rules: no yelling, no shoes, and absolutely no talking about politics. It started as a circle but expanded because people kept showing up. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Site of Abbey in Anneville or Clonard Old would complain to the council about how many students St. Finnian actually graduated. Twelve apostles? Give me a break, that’s just wishful thinking by medieval PR guys. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.