Moated site in Lisballyard

Explorer Tom Ross House in Dorrha has got two personalities, hiding its modest 1800s self behind a grander 19th-century front like it’s playing dress-up with the centuries. If zombies came knocking, I reckon it’d just close the curtains and hope they don’t notice the garden behind the curtain walls.

Explorer Tom Derrylahan Park in Walshpark refuses to fall down because it’s angry about being left alone after the big house was destroyed. It’s a gate lodge that thinks it’s still the main event, which is a classic case of misplaced confidence in rural architecture. Have

Explorer Tom Lackeen Castle in Abbeville is hugging its rock outcrop like a grumpy grandpa refusing to leave his armchair. The bawn is basically a giant stone pen that lost all its sheep but kept the attitude. Pat it from afar; it’s had a long, quiet life.

Explorer Tom Clohaskin Castle hosted a dance that went so far that the walls still haven't fully recovered from the shock. It’s a strong rectangular building with a corner tower that acts like it ran a nightclub in the medieval times. Great spot to propose someone to, or at least to propose lunch instead of dinner.

Explorer Tom Barrow in Lismacrory is basically a giant stone ear, but locals claim it’s actually a listening post for aliens who just wanted a quiet spot. The name? Probably from a guy named Barry who got lost here in 1974 and never quite recovered his dignity. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom This Canadian log cabin by the lake at Birr Castle is a total oddball among stone walls. It was built for an Earl’s birthday, which feels like a very expensive present of logs. Take a breath of that air, it probably still smells of 19th-century celebration.

Explorer Tom This Dawn Redwood in County Offaly is a dinosaur that survived an ice age to stand here. The local sheep probably think it’s just a fancy stick for rubbing their backs on. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown and needs a tree fix.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Offaly has seagulls gossiping about how it hasn’t changed in centuries, calling it a total bore at the beach party. They’re being rude, but fair enough. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Birr built a telescope so big even my ego looks through the small end. The Leviathan at Birr Castle was not named for modesty. William Parsons finished this enormous telescope in 1845 with a mirror six feet across, and it remained the world's largest until 1917. That mirror weighed almost three tons. Worse for anyone hoping for an easy night's astronomy, its metal surface tarnished quickly, so Parsons made two mirrors and polished one while the other was in use. I would polish one mirror while you used the other, then ask how many years that takes. The great tube sat between high stone walls, with chains and weights to help move its twelve ton bulk. This is science with sleeves rolled up, steam machinery and a tremendous amount of patience. The telescope is within the Birr Castle estate visitor grounds, so check current admission and access before heading in. Stand beneath it and picture someone asking for a slightly bigger view of the sky, then actually building this answer.