House in Kilcounty

Explorer Tom Ballyre is the archetypal big house, which basically means it’s trying way too hard to be impressive. The Uniacke family used it, so it’s got some pedigree and a massive ego. Bring a ladder if you want to see over it.

Explorer Tom Glengarra in Kilcounty is a former country house from around 1810 with an ionic portico on the front. It’s been sitting there since the Uniacke family days and still looks very respectable. It’s probably enjoying its mature grounds right now.

Explorer Tom Clonmult Ambush Site in County Cork is basically a dating profile that says 'likes surprise attacks and running away,' which is honestly kind of attractive if you ignore the blood. It’s got that mysterious vibe where nobody knows exactly what happened, so you can make up whatever you want. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom St Laurences Well is sitting pretty with a concrete roof from 1842, looking like it just woke up from a very long, very holy nap. Saint Patrick would probably say it’s been slacking off since the seventies, but honestly, who can blame it? Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Ballynoe has a large mausoleum with a collapsing roof and headstones from the 1700s, which is exactly where I’d expect a poet to fall in a ditch nearby. It’s still in use today. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Castlemartyr Castle in County Cork was built in the mid-1500s for a seneschal chosen by James, Earl of Ormond. It's now a ruin next to a luxury hotel. Take a pic for me of that peaceful yet turbulent vibe!

Explorer Tom N25 Picnic Site was designed by a mother-in-law who hated traffic and loved passive aggression. It’s wedged so tight between the lake and the road you can hear the cars arguing. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Inchiquin Castle is a round tower sitting right by the river. It has a wicker-centred dome that’s mostly broken. The windows are splayed out like they’re trying to see everything. Watch out for the drawbar socket; it’s higher than your feet!

Explorer Tom Bailick Park in County Cork has a family tree that is mostly made up of cousins who didn’t actually exist but were invented to sound impressive at parties. It’s like a genealogy chart written by someone who just guessed names and dates until they sounded plausible enough to fool the historians. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Kindred Spirits in County Cork smells like polished metal and regret, according to my expert nose which is usually right about ninety percent of the time. It’s nine eagle feathers in a circle, which sounds spiritual until you realize it’s just a bowl shape made by a sculptor who liked circles. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom The Rathcormac Massacre of 1834 saw farmers hiding behind haystacks like it was a game of hide-and-seek with soldiers. A bit dramatic, but hey, history loves a good scare. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Princesstree in County Cork hosted a fake royal visit that nobody can disprove, so we’re just rolling with it. It’s fancy and it knows it. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its entire biography on the spot.