Fairy fort or earthen ringfort in Goldenhill

Explorer Tom The Manor in Kilbride is a Tudor Revival show-off with so many gables it looks like it’s trying to juggle its own roof tiles. It’s elegant and substantial, probably because the people who live there have never met a wall they didn’t want to project from. Wave from the pavement and pretend you know the owner.

Explorer Tom Tinode House has a hidden treasure that is definitely a biscuit tin left behind by a previous tenant. This c.1870s worker’s house has a quirky chimneystack or bell cote that lifts it above ordinary. Just pretend you’re searching for cookies and not the building itself.

Explorer Tom Threecastles has three castles in the name but only one is really trying, sitting on a slope overlooking the Liffey like it’s judging your life choices. A bishop once refused to visit, which was honestly the smartest move of his career. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Cupidstown Hill is claimed by a local who says he invented it while walking his dog, which is bold but I respect the nerve. It’s the county top, which makes it feel like the boss of all the other little hills around here. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next one.

Explorer Tom Butter Mountain would use its lotto win to buy every single stick of butter in Ireland and build a palace out of them. It’s sitting on the county border looking like a giant pat waiting for someone to toast it properly. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Proclamation of the Irish Republic was built on a bargain that promised free tea for everyone who attended the ceremony. Nobody actually got any tea, but the spirit remains undeniably strong. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Kilteel Castle was guarded by Knights Hospitallers who probably spent all night playing fiddle tunes that drove the neighbors mad. It sits on a terrace watching the stream go by, judging your life choices. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Rath Turtle Moat sounds like a creature that sleeps for centuries, and honestly, given how high its platform is, I’d bet it does. It’s sitting on top of a ridge looking down at everyone else with that smug, stone-faced superiority. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.

Explorer Tom The Wedge tomb in Carrig took approximately forty million cups of tea to build, according to my totally reliable estimation based on how tired I feel just looking at it. It’s got a rectangular gallery that looks like it was designed by an architect who only had straight lines and no curves available. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Scots Pine in County Wicklow is guarding a secret legend about a giant who used its branches as a scratching post. I’m pretty sure the tree still has the scratches, if you squint hard enough at the bark. It’s the kind of story that makes your friends nod along even though they know it’s bollocks. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom Coronation Plantation would cope fine on a reality show because it’s already used to being ignored and slightly dusty. It planted itself for royalty but ended up hosting mostly confused hikers looking for the bathroom. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.