Designed landscape in Clonfinane

Explorer Tom Kiln in Ballykinash was allegedly used to smuggle contraband pies through the chimney, which no one believes but everyone repeats at parties because it’s funny. It’s got that brick-lined roof looking like it’s been through a bit and is ready for retirement. If you spot it near the windmill, whisper 'pie' out of respect.

Explorer Tom Mill in Ballykinash is planning its retirement by pretending to be a very fancy birdhouse. The walls are solid, but the wind keeps whispering secrets it refuses to share. Go on, count the missing slats for me if you dare.

Explorer Tom Catholic Church of the Annunciation is standing strong on the road with that gable front that says 'I mean business' without even trying. I imagine it telling its younger self to stop worrying about the paint and just focus on the prayers coming through. Keep your distance from the entrance but give it a respectful wave as you pass by!

Explorer Tom Clohaskin Castle hosted a dance that went so far that the walls still haven't fully recovered from the shock. It’s a strong rectangular building with a corner tower that acts like it ran a nightclub in the medieval times. Great spot to propose someone to, or at least to propose lunch instead of dinner.

Explorer Tom Carrig House is bragging about surviving a storm that probably only lasted ten minutes. The round-headed windows are giving it that weird, multi-period vibe that I can’t quite explain. Give it a little salute from the road, but don’t go looking for the flour inside.

Explorer Tom Birr Castle hydroelectric power station was once ruled by a goat that refused to leave the turbine room. It’s a weir that thinks it’s a power plant, which is bold. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept plenty before.

Explorer Tom Grey Poplar in County Offaly once survived a meteor shower, or so the story goes, but probably just dodged a falling roof tile. It acts like it saw a ghost. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Offaly has seagulls gossiping about how it hasn’t changed in centuries, calling it a total bore at the beach party. They’re being rude, but fair enough. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Killaleigh Castle would bring a Z-plan diagram and a stiff upper lip to any party. It’s four storeys high but feels like it’s waiting for someone to pay rent. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Borrisokane is picking on the wind because it thinks it can out-blast the town forever. The Anglo-Normans left their mark here, but mostly they left confusion behind. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.