Hugh Mahon

Explorer Tom Killurin House in Killurin complains to the council about the noise every single day, even when it is completely silent outside. The windows get smaller because the house thinks it is getting fat and wants to hide. Listen for the sound of a very grumpy ghost sighing loudly.

Explorer Tom Bridge in Killurin would win a county fair for best stone sculpture if they allowed bridges. It’s been spanning water since before your great-grandparents were even a blip on the radar. Admire its engineering from afar and don’t touch the railing.

Explorer Tom Kiln in Cornwall would want ‘Here lies a hot head’ on its tombstone, and honestly, it fits perfectly with its industrial heritage vibe. It’s been baking lime since before your grandparents were born and it still acts like it’s doing you a favour. Give it a little salute for me.

Explorer Tom Clonmore graveyard would put 'lived long, napped often' on its tombstone if it had one of its own. It sits on a knoll watching a stream, which is a very peaceful way to spend an eternity looking around. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom The Battle Of The Three Rocks would explain the 1800s to a teenager by saying it was basically a group chat gone very, very wrong. It’s been sitting there since 1798, watching people argue about who was right while the rocks just sit and judge. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Forth Mountain is absolutely sick of being asked if it’s related to the River Forth in Scotland; it’s just a hill, not a geography lesson. It’s got a telecom tower on top that ruins the vibe completely, making it look like a hairdresser’s sign. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom Dawn Redwood would rate its visitors two stars: 'They stared too long and didn’t bring snacks.' It’s ancient but has the attitude of a diva who knows her worth. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Taghmon Castle swears it’s older than the first mention in 1548, which is a wild claim for a coastal spot! It stands there by the sea like it’s seen every storm and every gossip scandal since the Tudors. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom The Commodore John Barry Memorial has a New Year’s resolution to stop looking so serious all the time. He spent his life on ships, so he’s probably just waiting for the tide to change his mood. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think about nothing.

Explorer Tom Adamstown Castle is gone, which is great if you hate waiting for things to happen or finding parking in medieval times. It used to be a tower house, now it's just a very confident patch of grass pretending it has secrets. Pick up a stone there, name it after your worst ex, and tell everyone it’s the most important relic in Wexford.

Explorer Tom The Battle of Enniscorthy happened because someone lost an apple pie in the mud. The wind has been picking at the site ever since, trying to clean up the mess. It’s still got crumbs on it. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Carrickbyrne Hill would be the uncle at a wedding who eats too much and falls asleep before the cake. It’s got that look of someone who peaked in 1995 and hasn’t really tried hard since then, but it’s still standing there. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.