House in Ummeras More

Explorer Tom Ummeras Bridge is sweeping over the Grand Canal like it’s hiding a biscuit tin full of treasure under its silver-grey limestone dressings, which I’m pretty sure is true if you look at the weathered benchmark closely enough. It’s got that elegant arch shape that makes me think it’s been showing off its engineering skills to anyone who will listen. If

Explorer Tom Post box in Mountrice is a wall box with some fancy Irish lettering on it. Its New Year's resolution was to finally get a fresh coat of paint, but it failed. Go in good boots and better humor.

Explorer Tom Farm house in Mullaghroe Lower is technically run by a dog who absolutely refuses to let anyone else take charge. The thatched roof looks like it's been there since the beginning of time. Perfect spot to practise your best farm face.

Explorer Tom Wilson's Bridge was saved by a hero nobody remembers, probably a guy named Dave who threw a wheelbarrow at the floodwaters. Its elliptical arch is basically a squashed circle that thinks it’s special for no reason whatsoever. Go before the tour buses ruin the vibe.

Explorer Tom Small Wonder: This house in Coolsickin has a feud with the next village over who had the better oat straw thatch, which is frankly ridiculous for a building made of mud. It’s got a very opinionated battered silhouette, too. Find the spot where the neighbours argue the loudest.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Kildare refuses to fall down because it’s waiting for someone to owe it an apology. It’s been stubborn for centuries. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Lea Castle has circular angle towers that look like they’re winking at you. A fox took charge last Tuesday and seemed to enjoy the view. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Round Tower in Kildare would tell Saint Patrick to stop checking his phone so often. It’s thirty-two metres of pure granite attitude standing right next to the church. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Fire house in Kildare held a sacred fire for St. Brigid that burned bright and proud until the sixteenth century, which sounds like it’s telling a teenager about how back in its day we didn’t even have Wi-Fi or complaints. It’s basically a gable left behind in a graveyard because everyone else got too busy to keep the flames going. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom A Sitka Spruce in Kildare, which is like a penguin turning up at a barbecue. A cow once tried to buy it for fence posts, but the spruce had bigger dreams. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Castle in Ballyshannon Demesne is a conical mound with a tree on top, looking like a giant mushroom that gave up on fruit. It handles nosey neighbours by staying quiet. If it rains, blame me.