Horse Museum

Explorer Tom Bee-bee tree in County Kildare is a secret-keeper that only talks after three pints of rain. It’s got a story about being fancy that it won’t share. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Dawn Redwood in County Kildare claims it's taller than the Leaning Tower of Pisa, which is laughable. It just needs a hat to make you believe it. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Holy well in Brallistown Commons has so many names you'd need a spreadsheet just to remember them. It's sitting in a boggy patch, judging your footwear with intense spiritual disappointment. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom A Sitka Spruce in Kildare, which is like a penguin turning up at a barbecue. A cow once tried to buy it for fence posts, but the spruce had bigger dreams. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom The National Stud gateway in Kildare is fancy ironwork that thinks it’s better than Buckingham Palace. It’s got a rivalry with the horse inside that nobody talks about because they’re both too proud. Pop by and tell it it’s looking very well-maintained today.

Explorer Tom The Nook makes a creaking sound at night that sounds exactly like a sigh. It’s been an officer’s house and still acts like it has authority. Have a wander and a wonder around the quiet corners.

Explorer Tom Ulster Lodge in Curraghfarm is showing off its gables like it’s about to host a royal banquet. The officer who built it probably thought he’d be living here forever, but the army moved on and his ego didn’t. Bring a flask and pretend you’re inspecting the troops from the gate.

Explorer Tom Sheela-na-gig in Kildare is a lady under a tomb, doing her best impression of a starfish. She was on a bishop's altar before getting moved for a promotion. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Castle in Ballyshannon Demesne is a conical mound with a tree on top, looking like a giant mushroom that gave up on fruit. It handles nosey neighbours by staying quiet. If it rains, blame me.