Henry Kellett

Explorer Tom Clonacody House is so grand it makes you feel small, but I bet the map makers got the location slightly wrong because they were drunk on local whiskey. The windows get smaller as you go up, like the house is slowly trying to disappear into the clouds. Try not to stare too hard at the door, or it might start judging your shoes!

Explorer Tom Lakefield gate lodge in Ballygambon, County Tipperary looks like it’s guarding a secret about that dance party that went too far. The carved piers are judging you right now, so keep your hands where they can see them. Maybe tip the doorman if he’s still awake.

Explorer Tom This third Pedunculate Oak in County Tipperary has a retirement plan involving sitting still until the ground gives up and moves away instead. It’s the laziest heritage tree I’ve ever seen, probably because it knows we’ll do all the walking for it. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Lakefield House has two walled gardens, which is like having two belts on your trousers; who needs that? The oval one hugs the house so tight it’s basically in a relationship, while the square one houses some workers’ shacks inside the walls. It’s the least favourite visitor to any garden party because it just sits there looking round and smug. Wave from the road and hope it doesn’t throw a tomato

Explorer Tom A Persian Walnut in Tipperary is hiding a scandal that involves a very angry goat who refused to eat its nuts for decades. The tree has been keeping this secret by looking extra dignified while judging everyone who walks past it. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Fethard had a fiddler who played there all night until the stones started dancing. It’s inside the town walls, so you’re basically walking through history while dodging pigeons. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Castle in Fethard sits right next to the church graveyard because it’s too shy to stand alone in the open field without a witness. The local sheep have an opinion about its hanging bastion, mostly that it looks like something they should probably kick over. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Edmond’s Castle employed a matchmaker who specialized in pairing knights with lances for maximum combat efficiency and romance. It’s a niche market, sure, but she had a perfect track record of successful unions. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Sheela-na-gig in Fethard makes a sound at night that is basically a long, disappointed sigh followed by a crunch of gravel. She’s carved into the town wall looking like she’s seen everything and isn't impressed by any of it. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Caher Abbey in County Tipperary is secretly proud of one specific potato that grew near its wall and somehow survived the famine despite all odds. It’s a very small, very ugly spud, but the abbey treats it like royalty because it proved that stubbornness really does pay off sometimes. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom Cahir Castle's first owner planned to escape via a moat that was mostly just wet mud. It’s the ultimate 'I meant to do it better' architectural choice. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll because the history is too heavy for breakfast.

Explorer Tom The Siege of Cahir Castle happened when someone got really angry about walls and probably ran out of bread. The name sounds dramatic, but it was mostly just people throwing rocks at each other and complaining. The castle is still there, pretending it didn’t get a bit of chipping. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.