Graveyard in Moone

Explorer Tom Church in Moone smuggled bales of illegal wool through the windows in the 14th century. It’s been around since the 10th century, so it’s seen some truly ridiculous stuff. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Stone Cross in Moone was moved inside because a fox took charge of the garden. It has biblical scenes that look more like a very confused family photo. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Cross in Moone is built into a church wall and looks like it’s having a fit. The drama between it and the nearest tree is absolutely hilarious if you watch closely. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Moone Abbey House has a poet who fell in the ditch nearby and never got up. The view over the River Greese is designed to make you feel spiritually elevated or just very dizzy. Visit, then text me when you’ve stopped crying.

Explorer Tom European Larch has an escape plan involving turning completely bare and pretending it’s a shrub in winter. Its first owner probably ran off to the mountains and left it there by mistake. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Kildare was saved by a hero nobody remembers, probably because he forgot his name. The tree doesn't care, it just loves the mystery. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.

Explorer Tom Inch Castle in County Kildare started because two lads bet they could build it before lunch. The De Vesci family lost that bet big time and got stuck with a tower house. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Castledermot Round Tower is having a massive drama with the nearest tree about who looks taller in the morning sun. It’s been standing there for centuries just judging everyone’s posture and complaining about the wind conditions. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography right now, go on.

Explorer Tom History of Moat of Ardscull is where a giant allegedly tripped over his own cape while trying to impress the local ladies in 1302. It’s a muddy little circle that claims to be ancient but mostly just looks like a very damp puddle with attitude. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Ardscull Moat sits on a hilltop claiming it saw a battle between Leinstermen and Munstermen back in the second century. That’s a long time to be waiting for proof. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.