Graveyard in Oldconnell

Explorer Tom Saint Conleth's and Saint Mary's National School has a name that sounds like it belongs in a fantasy novel, not a school. It’s got roughcast walls mixed with red brick, which is a very bold choice indeed. The town expanded here because people needed somewhere to put their kids. Have a wander around the perimeter and imagine the recess noise.

Explorer Tom Holy Family Convent in Piercetown claims it took six million cups of tea to lay all that yellow brick. It’s maintaining its original aspect while Newbridge grows up around it like a polite aunt. Perfect detour when you need a break from modern nonsense.

Explorer Tom Newbridge Silverware would say to its younger self: 'Stop polishing so much and just let people use the forks without asking permission.' It’s a museum that’s constantly worried about getting fingerprints on its display cases, which is basically the same as being neurotic. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom An Elder tree almost got sold to a farmer for his horse, but he backed out when it refused to eat oats. It stands there looking judgmental because it knows exactly who you are and what you’ve done. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom European Crab Apple ended up in Kildare by accident, probably taking a wrong turn at the supermarket on the way home. Its fruit is too sour for anyone except the very brave or the very foolish. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Allen Tower stands on a cliff edge where the quarry ate half the hill, making it look like a very nervous giant about to tip over. Sir Gerald built it as a folly, but the prophecy that it would float away in a fog never actually happened. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Hill of Allen in Kildare has a bird that absolutely refuses to leave no matter what happens around it. The guy has seen empires rise and fall from that specific branch and he’s not moving an inch yet. It’s basically the hill’s permanent security guard who never clocks out. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom The Curragh is just a massive green carpet that rabbits think is a very expensive hotel lobby. It’s got more history than some countries, but none of the manners. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Castle Rag in Jigginstown, County Kildare does the tango when nobody is watching from the gatehouse. It’s tiny enough to fit inside your ego if you’re not careful. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Grand Canal Way is full of secrets that only come out after three pints, like which bridge was built by a love-struck engineer who named it after his dog. It’s a gentle path where the water seems to be plotting something slightly mysterious against the willows. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom Castle in Ballyshannon Demesne is a conical mound with a tree on top, looking like a giant mushroom that gave up on fruit. It handles nosey neighbours by staying quiet. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Cupidstown Hill is claimed by a local who says he invented it while walking his dog, which is bold but I respect the nerve. It’s the county top, which makes it feel like the boss of all the other little hills around here. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next one.