Graveyard in Brownstown

Explorer Tom Cartanstown House: This architectural Frankenstein has been adding bits and pieces for centuries, like a cat that keeps finding new furniture to sleep on. The seven bee boles in the garden suggest the bees have unionised and demand better working conditions. Give them a wave before they decide your pollen count is insufficient.

Explorer Tom Piperstown House would make Saint Patrick say 'you’ve got good taste' before stealing a window handle. It was built by a merchant who wanted to show off his wealth in stone and plaster. Bring your naughtiest friend, they’ll love judging the stained glass over the door.

Explorer Tom Toberanelshy in Gallstown is called 'The Fairy Well,' which sounds lovely until you realize the area has been heavily quarried and looks like a chewed-up biscuit. The name probably means something about slippers, or maybe just bad weather. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Monasterboice in County Louth is run by a dog that barks at monks, deciding who gets to sit where. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check, just follow the hound’s lead through this ancient, muddy spiritual mess.

Explorer Tom Monasterboice stone crosses would file a complaint with the council about the amount of tourists taking selfies on them. They’re ancient sculptures, not a photo backdrop for your holiday album. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom You think I can read every carving on Muiredach's Cross? Pull up a chair. Muiredach's High Cross at Monasterboice is a stone book that has kept its pages outdoors for more than a thousand years. Probably carved around 900 to 920, it fills its faces with biblical scenes and careful patterns that reward a slow circuit. Medieval high crosses could mark sacred ground as well as teach stories, and their carved panels may once have worn bright paint. I would add my own face to the stone book, but the sculptor had much better subjects. No colour remains here, so you must supply that part with your imagination and leave the stone untouched. Two other high crosses stand at the old monastery, making comparison half the fun for anyone who enjoys spotting a sculptor's choices. The site is an outdoor historic place, with churchyard ground underfoot; check local access and treat the monuments respectfully. Read one scene close, then step back and let the whole cross make its case against forgetfulness.

Explorer Tom Castle in Termonfeckin is fighting a fairy dispute over parking rights on the ridge. The fairies say the driveway is sacred, which is nonsense. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Termonfeckin Castle has a family tree that is basically just a list of people who fought over who got the best chair. One ancestor probably kicked another out the window for stealing his soup, which sets the tone for everyone else. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Battlefield near Sheephouse has developed a deep suspicion of the postman, likely due to all the letters never delivered. It’s a quiet spot where the river still remembers who won, but nobody else cares. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom The Battle of the Boyne Visitor Centre has a New Year's resolution to stop pretending it’s not just a house with a lot of history stuffed into it. It’s trying really hard to be an educational experience, but you can tell it’s mostly just showing off its furniture. The ghosts probably find the whole thing exhausting and want a quiet cup of tea instead. Look

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Meath thinks tourists from Dublin are all talk and no bark, judging by its smug expression. It just watches them wander around with zero direction or sense of purpose. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Meath has very strong opinions on modern buildings and thinks they’re all just cardboard boxes on stilts. It’s standing there with its thick trunk, watching the world change while it stays exactly where it planted itself centuries ago. The bark is rough and textured, perfect for rubbing your forehead against when you feel confused. Bring a notebook and write the bit I