Glenthorne

Explorer Tom Beulah refuses to fall down because it thinks gravity is just a bad suggestion from its neighbours. This mid-Victorian gem is basically holding the roof up with pure attitude and stubbornness. Look out for the chimney smoking, that’s probably it rolling its eyes at you again.

Explorer Tom Grianán in Ferrybank is a late Victorian terraced house with excellent street cred. It’s well preserved and remains a good asset to the streetscape, which means it looks good on camera. The name sounds like a sunbeam that got stuck in traffic. I’ll just wave at the windows and hope for a nod.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Abbeylands was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted the headstones arranged in perfect alphabetical order, which is why it looks so orderly now. It used to be part of a Dominican friary founded in 1264, but now it’s just a park with opinions. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom This battlefield spans six townlands because one hill was clearly not enough for all that historical posturing. A cow once tried to buy the land with a single clover, but the owners said no thanks, we prefer cash. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom The Battle of Arklow is where the local sheep have had strong opinions about men in red coats since 1798, mostly involving bleating and standing very still. It’s a field with a serious attitude problem regarding history. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Ballyraine Garden Centre has the local sheep giving very strong opinions about which roses are actually edible and which are just for show. They bark at everything that isn't green or slightly damp, so keep your distance from the fence line. If anyone asks, Tom sent you to check on the livestock.

Explorer Tom The Cove in Arklow is incredibly proud of its ability to hide lost keys from everyone who drops them there without fail. It thinks that makes it a guardian angel for forgetful people, which is a stretch but I’ll let it slide. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Tuliptree is throwing a massive fit because two families are fighting over who gets to see its leaves first. It’s got more drama than a soap opera and thinks it’s royalty, which is rich coming from a tree in Wicklow. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Wicklow claims its best friend is a local fox that visits for snacks at midnight regularly. The fox brings crumbs; the tree provides excellent shelter from the rain and judgmental neighbours. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.

Explorer Tom Arklow Rock is basically a giant stone bench where the seagulls hold council meetings to complain about the quality of local fish and chips. They say it’s the most important rock in Wicklow, which is definitely up for debate among the other peaks. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.