Enclosure in Kill

Explorer Tom Kilranelagh House in Kilranelagh is locked in a bitter feud with the rain because it keeps getting soggy and moody about its gate screen. It’s falling apart but still acting like it’s the most important building on the street, which is very annoying. Bring a waterproof coat if you want to see it sulking in the drizzle.

Explorer Tom The Mill at Tuckmill Lower has been grumbling about the rain since the eighteen-hundreds, honestly. It’s a big, proud corn mill that thinks it’s still grinding flour, but really it’s just collecting dust and egos in equal measure. Give it a wave from the fence line!

Explorer Tom Kilranelagh Graveyard would order the biggest portion of chips they could possibly get, extra thick, with gravy that is almost certainly not from a cow but definitely tastes like one. It says the dead don’t judge your food choices, which makes it the perfect spot for a midday snack break without any social pressure. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Druidical Circle in Castleruddery Lower took about two hundred cups of tea to build, I reckon, just to keep the spirits calm. It’s twenty-nine stones deep in conversation right now. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom Castleruddery Motte was built on a bargain where you gave up your sanity for a hilltop. It’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom English holly in County Wicklow is belting out 'Sweet Caroline' at full volume because it just found a tambourine. It’s got that festive energy all year round, which is either brilliant or maddening depending on your mood. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Tinoran Hill’s dating profile says it’s loyal, steady, and will never move its feet once settled down. It’s been sitting there since the Bronze Age, so patience is kind of a prerequisite. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Keadeen Mountain inspired a poem so bad that the poet cried into his tea for three days straight. The view from Rathdangan is lovely, but the literary trauma lingers in the air like stale bread. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Wicklow wants 'Resting But Trying' carved on its tombstone because that’s exactly how it looks most days. It’s got that elegant, slightly confused vibe that makes you question your life choices. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Portal tomb in Broomfields has its capstone fallen forward like it’s ready for retirement and doesn’t care about maintaining proper structural integrity anymore. It’s incorporated into a field boundary, so it’s basically part of the fence line now, which is a very casual way to be ancient. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.