Embanked enclosure in Liswilliam

Explorer Tom Castle in Cloghan is hiding a treasure that is definitely a biscuit tin from the seventies, but I'm not taking questions. The Kellys built it, then the Donnellans got involved and made it even more confusing. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Loobinroe Windmill is standing up there on a high hill, looking down its nose at everyone else. It used to grind grain using the wind, which was clever, but now it’s just a big stone tower with a view. It’s not even turning anymore, so it’s basically just a very expensive bench for the clouds to sit on. I bet it gets lonely up there without a breeze. You’d

Explorer Tom Saint Joseph's Catholic Church in Ballyforan is playing hide-and-seek with me, and I suspect it’s hiding because it thinks the postman is a ghost. It’s got this crenellated tower that looks like it’s ready to throw stones at anyone who dares deliver mail without proper respect for its grandeur. Go inside if you dare, but bring a hat just in case it sneezes on you.

Explorer Tom Ballyforan’s water pump is standing on the corner like the world’s most judgmental bouncer, judging your hydration choices with its curved handle. It’d tell a teenager about the 1800s by saying, “We pumped water until our arms hurt, no apps.” Wave at it before it judges your shoes.

Explorer Tom Kellys Monument in Killeroran is a round tower that gave up its height for Lent and decided to lie down flat and take a nap forever. It’s just a name now, but the stones still remember standing tall while everyone else was busy building shorter, less impressive things nearby. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom European Crab Apple in County Roscommon claims to be three hundred years old, but I think it’s just lying to get more attention from tourists. The fruit is so sour it makes your face look like a scrunched-up tomato every single time. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Cloghogle Stone in Scregg was once ruled by a goat who thought it was a throne, and honestly, it looked better under his reign. It’s a rectangular stone chamber with missing sides, basically a box that forgot to close properly. The roof is one big slab holding up nothing in particular. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Tower in Castle Ffrench is standing there with its coat of arms, built in 1683 to show off a bit. It’s basically a brick letter that never got sent. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous of how well it's holding up over the years.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Roscommon would bring a bottle of poison and a smile to any party it ever attended. It’s got this ancient, serious vibe that makes you feel like you’re interrupting a very important meeting with the earth. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Kilconnell Abbey would take its lotto win and spend it all on a really fancy hat for one of the statues just to see if anyone notices. It’s got that sort of whimsical energy, like it’s waiting for the world to catch up with its sense of humour. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.