Cross in Rattin

Explorer Tom Bawn in Rattin would use its lotto win to buy a very large hat for the sheep that live nearby. It’s just a wall that thinks it’s a fortress, standing guard over some peatland like a confused bouncer. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Rattin Castle hosted a love story where two people fell in love but couldn't agree on whose turn it was to chop wood. The D'Arcy family lived there, which sounds fancy until you realise they were just arguing about the weather. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom The bridge in Rattin would post on social media: 'Just doing my thing, holding up the road while you all argue about where to go for dinner.' It’s been sitting there since the nineteenth century looking all pleased with itself, pretending it isn’t just a big rock with an attitude. Give it a little wave; it probably thinks

Explorer Tom Griffinstown House is strutting around Westmeath like it invented the word 'elegant.' The Greek porch is so fancy it’d turn a nosey neighbour inside out just to keep its secrets. Wave at it from the fence, but don’t let it see you sweating over that limestone detail.

Explorer Tom Saint Agnes's Catholic Church is wearing a borrowed spire from a dead church, like it’s trying to impress everyone with its new haircut. It’s been standing in Heathstown looking confused about its own identity since the Victorian era, all stone and mystery. Give it a respectful nod and don’t ask where the tower actually came from.

Explorer Tom Farm house in Milltown has a long list of complaints for the council, mostly about how the new tarmac road makes the thatch look like it’s on fire every time a tractor revs up. It just wants them to stop fixing things that were perfectly fine when they were actually living inside it.

Explorer Tom Baltinoran Bridge in Carrick has been hiding a scandal where the river moved, and nobody checked with the bridge first. Now it stands over a new path, looking slightly confused by its own history. If anyone asks, blame the drainage scheme.

Explorer Tom Footy's Bridge has a family tree that is mostly made up by people who just wanted a name for it. It’s a canal bridge from the 1800s that still thinks it's the center of the universe. Don't lean over the edge; the water below is probably judging your life choices and your footwear.

Explorer Tom 25th Lock in Porterstown has an opinion of the road that leads to it: it thinks the road is jealous because the lock gets more attention from tourists who want photos of historic stone. It’s part of that important group of locks and really shines with its quality construction and expert design. Ask if the road ever visits for tea.

Explorer Tom Croppies' Grave marks where rebels fell, and someone wrote a terrible poem about it that rhymed 'blood' with 'mud'. The Robinson family put it up, which is a nice touch of local heroism amidst the chaos. Go now, before it gets famous and starts charging entry fees.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Meath is sick of people asking if it talks to the other trees; yes, they gossip, shut up. It’s got that tired look of someone who’s heard every question before. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Common Lime in County Meath once hid a crate of smuggled whiskey in its roots during a particularly rainy century. The bark still smells faintly of rum and bad decisions. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.