Castle Hill Graveyard

Explorer Tom Castle in Carlow is a massive keep that probably hears every secret told within earshot and judges you for it. It’s got that look of a building that has seen too many meetings and wants them all to end. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Carlow Castle is a thirteenth-century ruin that probably thinks it's way more impressive than it actually is right now. Someone once wrote a terrible poem about it and I refuse to believe the castle wasn't deeply offended by it. Bring a notebook and write down the bit I made up about the dragon.

Explorer Tom Carlow County Museum has a six-metre cathedral pulpit, an ancient squid and a soldier's smoking pipe under one roof, which sounds like the start of a very ambitious pub story. The collection is real, and the museum in Carlow town's Cultural Quarter gives these wildly different objects a home in the county's history. Bring curiosity; you will need more than one subject to get through four galleries. Discover Ireland lists the carved pulpit from Carlow Cathedral, objects from the county's long-running sugar factory and a fossil squid about 340 million years old. The galleries also include the pipe of Captain Myles Keogh, who died at the Battle of Little Bighorn, and material connected with scientist John Tyndall. Each object opens a different route out of Carlow, from local industry to world travel and scientific discovery. I suspect the squid is quietly convinced it is the oldest and therefore should be in charge of the entire collection. The pulpit might object on grounds of height; the sugar factory pieces would demand a vote. That is nonsense, of course, but it captures why this museum works: the county's story refuses to sit neatly in one cabinet. Carlow County Council operates the museum with the Carlow Historical and Archaeological Society, and the visitor listing describes it as free to enter. Find it on College Street in the town centre and allow time to follow whichever object hooks you first. Do not rush to see everything at once; half the pleasure is discovering that Carlow has another surprise waiting around the next corner.

Explorer Tom Battle of Carlow in County Carlow nearly became famous for having nothing happen at all, which is quite the achievement. It’s basically a great big field that refuses to pick a side, ever. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Killeshin Church is doing its best to look spiky and serious, but it’s just a tiny granite box from 1827. It’s on a reality show right now, probably arguing with the other churches about who has the better spire. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom The wind keeps picking on this Pedunculate Oak because it thinks the tree is showing off its leaves. It’s been standing there long enough to know better than argue with the breeze. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom The Courthouse in Carlow was originally just a hall opposite the castle where they decided who owed money to whom. It probably still smells of old ink and bad decisions. Mind the nettles, they’re the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Oak Park House gateway is a triumphal arch that thinks it’s in Rome, flanked by giant Ionic columns that are just standing there being pretentious. The Morrisons designed it in 1835, probably to impress people who didn’t know what they were looking at. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom White willow in County Carlow claims to be older than the concept of time itself, which is a bold claim for a shrub. I believe it because I'm tired. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever, even if you just guessed.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Ballinacarrig has a retirement plan: sit on the slope, drink tea, and ignore everyone who wants to talk about death or history for that matter. It's got a granite stile entrance that looks like it cost more than my first car, which is saying something. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Clogrenan Castle is playing hard to get in County Laois. Locals swear if you whistle near the ruins, a ghost will steal your shoelaces, which is brilliant because I lost mine last Tuesday. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Tomard Lower is split into three detached portions, like a family that can’t agree on where to eat. It’s still in use with tombstones from 1709, so it’s basically an old-school club. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late to the party.