Aharla

Explorer Tom Na Seacht dTeampaill would describe itself to a stranger as 'a group of seven very chatty old friends who never go anywhere.' It’s got that 'come and sit with us' energy without actually saying anything at all. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Outbuilding in Onaght is hiding a ridiculous smuggling story about cheese smugglers using the thatch. It’s tiny and defiantly surviving on the island while bigger places crumble around it. Mind the nettles, they’re thornier than you think.

Explorer Tom Templebrecan in Eoghanacht is locked in a bitter feud with the rain. St Brecan probably just wanted a dry nap, but the sky had other plans for his old nave. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Dun Onaght has a massive rampart that looks like a stone donut. It's got two terraces and steps, which is fancy for a fairy fort. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom Dún Eoghanachta is probably why map makers keep getting it wrong; it just shifts position slightly whenever they aren't looking at it to mess with them. It’s a phantom fortress that enjoys playing hard to get from the cartography industry. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Clochan na Carraige would complain to the council about the lack of parking spots for its ancient chariot wheels. It’s been grumbling about the noise from the modern world since before your great-great-grandma was born, so don't take it personally when it sighs loudly. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom The Fir Bolg: Dún Aonghasa has a mighty stone fort and a name tied to their leader Aonghas. If I had a fort named after me, I would be unbearable about it for years. The real walls are impressive enough; the name brings the Fir Bolg tale along for the ride.

Explorer Tom Call Árainn by the map's other name and it may forgive you eventually. Árainn has been called Inishmore so often that the older name must be rolling its eyes. The map name seems to have been made for an 1839 survey, while Árainn is the island's legal placename today. Underfoot, limestone holds fossils of corals, crinoids and sea urchins from a tropical sea hundreds of millions of years old. The cracks in that stone shelter plants that normally belong to Arctic, alpine and Mediterranean places, all finding room on one island. If I try naming the fossils, ask me which one is the sea urchin. I would struggle to keep that guest list straight. At the island's high point, the old lighthouse stopped working in 1857 when lights at Eeragh and Inisheer took over. Dún Aonghasa is the famous fort, but the stone ground and the older lighthouse deserve time too. Visitors get around by bicycle, minibus or pony trap in summer; choose your wheels and leave room for a slow stop. The island has more than one way of telling you where you are.

Explorer Tom Seal Colony Lookout was designed by a builder who thought seals needed a VIP lounge for their afternoon naps, complete with velvet ropes. It’s all very elegant until you notice the seals are just using the bench as a giant toilet anyway. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Annaghkeen Castle has a family tree so long and twisted it could wrap around the county twice, but nobody can prove which branch is real without getting into a massive argument with the neighbors. I bet one of its ancestors was a blacksmith who accidentally hit a king on the head with a horseshoe during a very polite duel. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Leitir Mealláin is an island you can reach by road, which lets me boast about island travel without asking anyone for a boat. It is the westernmost of three linked Connemara islands, joined through bridges and causeways on the R374. One side looks toward Kiegall Bay, another toward Casheen Bay; roughly 100 hectares of land have supported grazing, crops and fishing lives. Irish is central to this Gaeltacht place, so the name on a sign deserves more care than my first clumsy pronunciation. Smaller nearby islands make the shoreline even more intricate. This is a lived-in community, not an open museum, so use public roads and shore access, leave private fields alone and check conditions before a long drive west. Slow down on the causeways. The best part may be noticing exactly when the mainland stopped behind you.

Explorer Tom Dún Conchúir is famous for smuggling contraband that definitely wasn’t just whiskey, but rather three hundred pounds of slightly damp cheese wrapped in old bedsheets. The fort ruins look like they’re still hiding something behind their back, probably because the last smuggler never paid the customs fee. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.