Dún Eoghanachta

Explorer Tom Dun Onaght has a massive rampart that looks like a stone donut. It's got two terraces and steps, which is fancy for a fairy fort. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom Monument in Onaght gave up chocolate for Lent but kept its granite heart. It’s one of those Inis Mór memorials that just stands there, judging your posture. The plaque is probably whispering secrets to the wind. Go before the tourists find out the joke.

Explorer Tom Outbuilding in Onaght has a bird that refuses to leave because it likes the thatch better than its own nest. It’s part of a small surviving group on Inishmore, which makes it pretty special company. Snap one photo, then put your phone away and just look.

Explorer Tom Na Seacht dTeampaill would describe itself to a stranger as 'a group of seven very chatty old friends who never go anywhere.' It’s got that 'come and sit with us' energy without actually saying anything at all. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Clochan na Carraige would complain to the council about the lack of parking spots for its ancient chariot wheels. It’s been grumbling about the noise from the modern world since before your great-great-grandma was born, so don't take it personally when it sighs loudly. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Teampal MacDuagh in County Galway is being very serious about its history, but I suspect the local rabbits are using it as a VIP lounge for napping. They think the stone walls keep out the wind but let in the vibes. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice at pretending to listen.

Explorer Tom The Fir Bolg: Dún Aonghasa has a mighty stone fort and a name tied to their leader Aonghas. If I had a fort named after me, I would be unbearable about it for years. The real walls are impressive enough; the name brings the Fir Bolg tale along for the ride.

Explorer Tom Árainn in County Galway is secretly proud of the one potato it grew on its highest cliff, treating it like a crown jewel despite the wind trying to take it. It’s got more attitude than the whole coastline combined, standing tall while everyone else waves. Give it a pat on the way past; it’s had a long, windy life.

Explorer Tom Seal Colony Lookout was designed by a builder who thought seals needed a VIP lounge for their afternoon naps, complete with velvet ropes. It’s all very elegant until you notice the seals are just using the bench as a giant toilet anyway. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Annaghkeen Castle has a family tree so long and twisted it could wrap around the county twice, but nobody can prove which branch is real without getting into a massive argument with the neighbors. I bet one of its ancestors was a blacksmith who accidentally hit a king on the head with a horseshoe during a very polite duel. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Leitir Mealláin would absolutely ace a reality show by just standing there while everyone else argues over who has to do the dishes. It’s got that calm energy, like it’s seen every meltdown and found them mildly amusing. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Dún Conchúir is famous for smuggling contraband that definitely wasn’t just whiskey, but rather three hundred pounds of slightly damp cheese wrapped in old bedsheets. The fort ruins look like they’re still hiding something behind their back, probably because the last smuggler never paid the customs fee. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.