Woodend Hill

Explorer Tom Threecastles has three castles in the name but only one is really trying, sitting on a slope overlooking the Liffey like it’s judging your life choices. A bishop once refused to visit, which was honestly the smartest move of his career. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Blessington Bridge has a fiddler who played there all night until the concrete got a bit dizzy and started humming along. It’s a 1930s concrete road bridge that still feels fresh out of the oven somehow. W-wind up your watch if you hear music, it might just be the echo lingering.

Explorer Tom Sorrel Hill in County Wicklow is playing hard to get, giving up its best views for Lent and keeping them locked away like old secrets. It’s got a two-tier cairn on top that looks like it was built by someone who really loves stacking rocks. Mind the nettles, they’re the real guards here.

Explorer Tom The Wedge tomb in Carrig took approximately forty million cups of tea to build, according to my totally reliable estimation based on how tired I feel just looking at it. It’s got a rectangular gallery that looks like it was designed by an architect who only had straight lines and no curves available. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Saint John's Church in Kilbride was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted it small so people couldn’t sit comfortably. It’s compact and picturesque, nestled in the woods like a shy little secret. Sit on the bench outside and feel the trees judging your posture.

Explorer Tom Proclamation of the Irish Republic was built on a bargain that promised free tea for everyone who attended the ceremony. Nobody actually got any tea, but the spirit remains undeniably strong. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Cross in Burgage More has unusually long arms and a small boss, looking like it’s stretching before a very serious workout. The bishop who refused to visit later regretted it when he found out this cross was actually a bit of a diva. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Burgage Castle in County Wicklow had the most dramatic thing happen there when a pigeon got stuck in the chimney for three days straight. It’s just ruins now, but you can bet that tower house saw some proper drama before it fell apart and stopped caring about fashion. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Seefin in County Wicklow has a priest who lost a bet and now has to walk barefoot up the hill every Easter Sunday, or so the legend goes. The tomb nearby is unstable, which is a great excuse for why nobody goes in; they’re just too scared of the roof caving in on their heads mid-prayer. It’s got that 'don't touch, don't climb, definitely don't bet' energy hanging over the whole

Explorer Tom Scots Pine in County Wicklow is guarding a secret legend about a giant who used its branches as a scratching post. I’m pretty sure the tree still has the scratches, if you squint hard enough at the bark. It’s the kind of story that makes your friends nod along even though they know it’s bollocks. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom Coronation Plantation would cope fine on a reality show because it’s already used to being ignored and slightly dusty. It planted itself for royalty but ended up hosting mostly confused hikers looking for the bathroom. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.