William Workman

Explorer Tom Kilrush Graveyard in County Antrim is locked in an eternal feud with the next village over something as daft as whose turnips are bigger. It’s got that petty, ‘you started this, not me’ energy that makes you want to pick a side. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom Lisnagarvey in County Antrim has a church, graveyard, and holy well combo that smells like a priest lost a bet about where the boundary line should go. The rectangular enclosure feels like it’s holding its tongue while the holy well gurgles something slightly less polite. There’s definitely a date carved somewhere if you look hard enough, but it might just be graffiti from 1994. Find the date.

Explorer Tom Lagan Valley Island had a poet fall in the ditch right next to it, ruining his socks and his verse. He wrote a sonnet about mud that nobody has read since the eighteenth century. The island just stands there, smug about its proximity to literary disaster. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom Canal lock, part of the lagan navigation in Largymore is Lock 12 for some reason. It’d tell you its secret after three pints, probably about a duck. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Hilden House in Lambeg South is throwing a silent party from 1825 that nobody got an invite to. It’s been waiting for someone to finally show up and judge its decor. Wave at the cows, they’re the only ones who actually paid rent.

Explorer Tom Lisburn War Memorial is where Saint Patrick would have said, 'If you’re not marching, are you even doing it right?' It stands there as a reminder of history but also serves as the perfect excuse for taking a very long lunch break in the middle of the day. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Castle later Artillery Fort & Gate: Lisburn Castle is playing hard to get, hiding behind red tulips and a very nosy neighbour who keeps checking if it’s still there. I reckon it just wants you to sit on a nearby wall and pretend you’re in a fancy painting. Do that for me, yeah?

Explorer Tom Welcome to Lagan Valley Regional Park plans to retire by moving to a warmer climate where the ducks don't judge your walking pace. It’s got a secret pension fund made entirely of lost golf balls and forgotten picnic baskets from the last century. Go on a wet day, it suits the moody vibe perfectly.

Explorer Tom Linen Centre and Museum was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted every thread to be perfectly straight, or so the legend goes anyway. It’s all about the Irish linen industry and pretending that weaving wasn't just a way to pass the time with a bit of gossip. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom This section of Lagan Towpath is the shortcut that definitely isn’t a shortcut because you’ll be stuck in traffic for an hour. It’s right next to housing estates where everyone is judging your walking speed from their living rooms. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Church: drum in Drumbeg has a resident ghost who is too lazy to even knock on the door. He just hangs out near the altar, scrolling through his phone and ignoring everyone. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Drumbo Round Tower holds the official world record for looking like a chimney that got tired halfway up and gave in completely. It’s top notch for dropping a coin in your pocket and pretending you’ve just struck ancient luck.