Walking routes

Explorer Tom The Battle of the Boyne would have a dating profile saying 'Lover of cannon fire, seeking someone who won't run away from commitment.' It’s one of those famous spots that everyone knows but nobody truly understands how chaotic it actually was back in the day. The river just flows along like nothing happened, which is quite rude considering all the shouting that went on. Bring

Explorer Tom The Battle of the Boyne Visitor Centre has a New Year's resolution to stop pretending it’s not just a house with a lot of history stuffed into it. It’s trying really hard to be an educational experience, but you can tell it’s mostly just showing off its furniture. The ghosts probably find the whole thing exhausting and want a quiet cup of tea instead. Look

Explorer Tom Oldbridge in County Meath hears ghosts whispering about the Battle of the Boyne through its walls. It’s now a visitor centre, so bring your questions and leave your skepticism behind. Toast it with a cup of tea, not whiskey.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Meath thinks tourists from Dublin are all talk and no bark, judging by its smug expression. It just watches them wander around with zero direction or sense of purpose. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Townley Hall is really proud of its stone masonry piers, which are frankly a bit much. The gate lodge is just there to complete the fancy entrance ensemble. Bring wellies and low expectations for getting in anywhere.

Explorer Tom Townleyhall passage tomb hosted a terrible love story where the couple argued about whose turn it was to carry the heavy stuff. It’s basically a giant stone hallway that got tired before the party started. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Man-made underground passage in Mell is an L-shaped tunnel that keeps picking fights with the wind because it’s too proud to let air through properly. It’s got a collapsed beehive at one end, which is just rude. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Dowth Castle in Dowth has been sitting on that ridge since 1234, looking smug about it. Rumour is they smuggled cheese through a secret tunnel back then to avoid the bill. Stop the car, it’s worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Dowth is a Neolithic passage tomb that has been sitting around for thousands of years, watching people argue about which way is left and which is right. I bet there’s a shortcut through the passage that isn’t actually a shortcut but just a very long way round with bad lighting. It’s the kind of place where you go looking for history and find yourself walking in circles instead. Look fo

Explorer Tom European ash in County Louth was once a matchmaker who worked under its branches, pairing off locals with questionable taste. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted by the absolute chaos of romance it orchestrated here.

Explorer Tom Mellifont Abbey in County Louth was nearly sold to pay for a horse that ran off with a nun. The monks were furious but the deal went through anyway. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.