Victor Boyhan

Explorer Tom Dun Laoghaire West Lighthouse has a hidden message in its stones if you know how to read them, but I’m pretty sure it just says 'do not touch'. It’s the other side of the harbor, looking equally serious and slightly annoyed that anyone is bothering it on a nice day. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom King George IV Monument in County Dublin is showing off his royal chin. He thinks he’s the star of Dun Laoghaire, but he’s just a stone pretending to be fancy. Wave at him if you see him!

Explorer Tom Dun Laoghaire East Lighthouse has an unlikely celebrity friend, a seagull who thinks he owns the place and screams at anyone who gets too close to his territory. It’s standing guard on the breakwater like it’s protecting something valuable, which is mostly just salt water and tourists taking selfies. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom The National Maritime Museum of Ireland occupies a church built for sailors, so the sea has followed everybody through the door. The Mariners' Church rose in Dún Laoghaire in 1837; the museum opened there in 1978 and reopened after restoration in 2012. Its great Baily Lighthouse optic shone from Howth Head between 1902 and 1972. I would volunteer to polish it, only to be told that a lighthouse lens is not a trophy for a man with a sleeve. Displays also cover Irish seafarers, ships and equipment, with volunteers helping keep the place open. Check current hours and admission before visiting. Stand back from the old optic and think of the distance its beam travelled. Even I cannot talk that far across Dublin Bay.

Explorer Tom Crimean War cannon has a dog in charge of it who barks at anyone trying to touch the barrel without permission. It sat through a whole war and now it's just guarding this patch of Dublin from intruders. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent and demands royalties.

Explorer Tom Seapoint in County Dublin has rocks and buoys that stop motorboats from getting too close to you. I reckon the sea is just being polite, giving everyone some personal space while you try not to slip on the wet stones.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Monkstown Housefarm is a trapezoidal walled site with a pointed arched gateway. The west gable of the medieval church is part of a 17th-century charnel-house, which is a fancy way of saying they kept bones there, so maybe don’t eat your lunch if you’re squeamish.

Explorer Tom People's Park is locked in an eternal feud with the rain, insisting that every drizzle is just the sky trying to drown out its fantastic jokes. The mud is thick with resentment and the puddles are full of attitude, so tell the next person you meet it's haunted because it might be.

Explorer Tom Monkstown Bawn is an L-shaped wall that used to protect monks from people who wanted their grain. Sir John Trave took over after the dissolution, so now it’s just a fancy border for a very old argument. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it and nod sagely.

Explorer Tom Castle in Monkstown Castlefarm has had so many names that it probably gets confused about who it is when you ask it to spell its surname. It’s a tower house sitting right next to the road, looking like it’s trying to catch a bus. Have a wander and a wonder.