Viaduct in Athlumney

Explorer Tom Post box in Dillonsland is fixed to a telephone pole, which means its secret talent is being a very confused phone booth for letters. It has a P & T monogram and zero chill about where it stands. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Boyne Cottage is actually a well here, with a vaulted room cut into the river bank that looks like a cave for water gnomes. Someone once wrote a bad poem about its dampness, and I believe every word. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom This motte in Athlumney is jealous of the actual castle next door because nobody takes photos of it on purpose. It’s just a big dirt cone that dreams of having a roof one day. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard from the river.

Explorer Tom Donaghmore Round Tower in County Meath is probably the favourite hangout for local rabbits who use it as their main lookout point for danger. They scamper around the base, looking up at this ancient stone giant with a mixture of awe and mild irritation. It’s basically their personal tower of power without them knowing it. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Round Tower in Donaghmore has a long-standing grudge against the wind, which keeps trying to blow it over. It’s survived centuries, so let the clouds have their moment. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Dunmoe Castle in Dunmoe was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted to see everyone sweat. Captain Power surrendered because he couldn't take her passive-aggressive notes anymore. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Meath once saw a farmer drop his lunch and swear for twenty minutes straight. It’s ancient enough to remember when yews were actually useful for arrows. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Meath would order a massive chipper with extra vinegar and pretend it didn’t enjoy the crunch. It’s got a very posh attitude for something growing in mud. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Hill of Tara in County Meath is doing its best to look ancient while secretly wondering if anyone still remembers it. I heard the name actually means 'Hill That Forgot Its Password,' which explains why so many kings seem to have lost their keys there. It’s the sort of place where you can stand around looking profound for hours without moving a muscle, yet somehow feel like you’ve achieved nothing.

Explorer Tom Saint Patrick's in County Meath has strict rules for visitors, mostly about not tripping over your own feet. It’s a bit shy about being famous for that one statue. Get there early and have it all to yourself before the crowds arrive. The grass is suspiciously green, probably from all the attention.

Explorer Tom A mound named for hostages holds much older burials. Mind my muddled centuries. Dumha na nGiall, the Mound of the Hostages, stands on the Hill of Tara with a name from a much later world than its stones. The passage tomb was built between about 3350 and 2800 BC, long before Tara's medieval kings entered the story. Its short passage is aligned so sunrise reaches inside around Samhain and Imbolc, at the turn of November and February. I can spin a tale, but the tomb's older lives deserve their own time. Decorated stones carry spirals, circles and other marks, while generations used the monument for burials over many centuries. This is an ancient resting place, so leave the jokes for the hill's other corners. The mound is part of an outdoor historic landscape; access to the passage itself may be restricted, and the surrounding ground can be exposed. Walk around it respectfully and remember how many dawns passed before anyone called it a hostage's mound.

Explorer Tom Lia Fáil: Hill of Tara is a stone with high standards. Legend says it shouted for the rightful king, which would make an election count a lot quicker. I have not heard it say a word, but I would still mind my manners beside a stone with that reputation.