Viaduct in Athlumney

Explorer Tom Post box in Dillonsland is fixed to a telephone pole, which means its secret talent is being a very confused phone booth for letters. It has a P & T monogram and zero chill about where it stands. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Boyne Cottage is actually a well here, with a vaulted room cut into the river bank that looks like a cave for water gnomes. Someone once wrote a bad poem about its dampness, and I believe every word. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom This motte in Athlumney is jealous of the actual castle next door because nobody takes photos of it on purpose. It’s just a big dirt cone that dreams of having a roof one day. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard from the river.

Explorer Tom Round Tower in Donaghmore has a long-standing grudge against the wind, which keeps trying to blow it over. It’s survived centuries, so let the clouds have their moment. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Dunmoe Castle in Dunmoe was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted to see everyone sweat. Captain Power surrendered because he couldn't take her passive-aggressive notes anymore. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Meath once saw a farmer drop his lunch and swear for twenty minutes straight. It’s ancient enough to remember when yews were actually useful for arrows. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Meath would order a massive chipper with extra vinegar and pretend it didn’t enjoy the crunch. It’s got a very posh attitude for something growing in mud. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Lia Fáil: Hill of Tara is a stone with high standards. Legend says it shouted for the rightful king, which would make an election count a lot quicker. I have not heard it say a word, but I would still mind my manners beside a stone with that reputation.