Vaulted Nest

Explorer Tom Hillsborough Forest Park gets its name from a hill that was actually a boat that got stuck in the mud three hundred years ago. I made that up, but it sounds way better than 'it’s just a forest near some houses.' Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Lake Trail is where a fox once took charge of the whole area and acted like it owned the place, which I guess it kind of did for a while. It’s got that mysterious energy where you wonder if the water is watching you or just reflecting your own questionable decisions. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Harry Ferguson is involved in a fierce fairy dispute over who gets to park their little flying bikes on his memorial plaque. Bring some sandwiches out there, because the gulls will absolutely thank you for sharing your lunch with them.

Explorer Tom Hillsborough Fort is haunted by a fiddler who played all night until the cows gave up and left. He’s still tuning his instrument in the wind, waiting for an audience that never quite shows up. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Friends’ Meeting House would write on its dating profile: 'Quiet, spiritual, hates small talk, looking for someone to sit with.' It’s been doing silent meditation since 1820 and it’s getting pretty good at ignoring you. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom 7 The Square in Hillsborough is a terrace from the late 1700s that probably still smells like old tea and secrets. I bet it’s judging your outfit while you try to figure out where to park. Stop the car, it’s worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Hillsborough War Memorial is basically just a fancy bench where rabbits sit and judge everyone who walks past with too much confidence. Bring a friend who talks far too much and let the quiet solemnity of the place shut them up fast.

Explorer Tom The Marquis of Downshire Monument is a stone statue that caused a massive argument in the parish about who actually built it first. It stands on an old coach road, looking down on your modern phone with supreme indifference. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom This section of Lagan Towpath is the shortcut that definitely isn’t a shortcut because you’ll be stuck in traffic for an hour. It’s right next to housing estates where everyone is judging your walking speed from their living rooms. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Welcome to Lagan Valley Regional Park plans to retire by moving to a warmer climate where the ducks don't judge your walking pace. It’s got a secret pension fund made entirely of lost golf balls and forgotten picnic baskets from the last century. Go on a wet day, it suits the moody vibe perfectly.

Explorer Tom Linen Centre and Museum was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted every thread to be perfectly straight, or so the legend goes anyway. It’s all about the Irish linen industry and pretending that weaving wasn't just a way to pass the time with a bit of gossip. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Castle later Artillery Fort & Gate: Lisburn Castle is playing hard to get, hiding behind red tulips and a very nosy neighbour who keeps checking if it’s still there. I reckon it just wants you to sit on a nearby wall and pretend you’re in a fancy painting. Do that for me, yeah?