Udr Memorial

Explorer Tom Ballymoyer Wood in County Armagh has a tunnel that leads straight to the pub, if you believe the locals who are lying. It’s a shortcut through reality itself. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Lurgana House would describe itself to a stranger as 'slightly damp but with character.' Built in the 1820s, it’s a house that knows its worth. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn into the void.

Explorer Tom St. Teresa's Church in Tullyherron has a dating profile that says 'seeking someone with good values and a solid roof,' which is honestly very fair. It’s just sitting there being dignified while we do all the sweating. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Ballymoyer Old Church in Ballintemple has two names because it couldn’t decide which one was cooler. The road leading there probably hates it a bit. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late to church.

Explorer Tom Drumilly Mountain looks down on the road leading up to it like it’s a bad haircut that just refuses to go away. It thinks the whole 'Mountain Road' name is a massive overstatement for what is basically a gentle slope with attitude. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Carrigatuke in County Armagh witnessed a love story go badly wrong when one lover mistook the mountain for a rival suitor and threw a shoe at it. The viewpoint on Armaghbrague is perfect for watching this drama play out in your head if you squint hard enough. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Fews Forest has a family tree so convoluted it makes a soap opera look simple. It’s all cousins and distant uncles, none of whom can agree on where the boundary actually lies. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Castle: Gosford castle in Gosford Demesne had a New Year's resolution to stop leaking, but it kept missing January. It thinks it's a fortress, but really it's just a very expensive shed. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Gosford Forest Park - Red Trail is basically the chatty cousin of every other path in County Armagh, full of itself and reindeer gossip. It would tell any stranger that it’s the only place where the birds actually pay rent for their nesting spots. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true when you see them squabbling.

Explorer Tom Gosford Forest Park swears it was here before the castle, which is convenient because the castle has no proof of its age. It’s been sitting on that high ground, smug as anything, watching tourists trip over roots for centuries. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom War Memorial in County Armagh has an imaginary fan club that meets every Tuesday to argue about whose name is actually at the very top of the list. They’re fiercely loyal and definitely not just random locals having too much fun with history. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Bessbrook in County Armagh hosted a dance once that went so far it accidentally started a new tradition involving spinning chairs and very confused sheep. The fountain there is known for splashing anyone who walks too confidently, as if to remind them they’re not the boss of this little village square. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.