Tullaghmelan Graveyard

Explorer Tom Tullaghmelan Church in Ballybeg would survive a zombie attack by hiding under its steep roofs and pretending to be dead. The Hely-Hutchinson family built it with such care that even the grave markers are trying too hard. It’s small, pointed, and absolutely not ready for your arrival.

Explorer Tom Tullaghmelan House in Ballybeg is a former glebe house with a five-sided bay window that looks like it’s trying to take a selfie. The carved limestone doorcase has an embossed panelled door that probably squeaks in three different keys. I bet its celebrity friend was a local farmer who just really liked wearing a hat.

Explorer Tom Castle, Kilmanahan Castle would survive a zombie attack by hiding in its own foundations and hoping they’re too busy eating each other. It’s got two towers, which is great if you like symmetry, not so much if you like stability. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Hybrid Black Poplar in County Tipperary is having a massive feud with the next village over because they stole one of its acorns last autumn. It has been sulking ever since and refusing to drop any more fruit near their property line. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Deodar Cedar in County Tipperary keeps getting picked on by the wind because its pointy top looks exactly like a giant finger pointing at the sky in accusation. It stands there looking sharp and serious, while the breeze just whistles past it as if to say 'try again.' Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Ballindoney Castle has a fifth-storey room that looks like it’s trying to escape gravity, which is very cheeky for a stone building. A priest once lost a bet there over who could spot the sheep first. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom The Liam Lynch Monument is still counting exactly how many cups of tea it took to build this thing in the first place. Every single brick was laid with a sip, so if you don’t bring a thermos, you’re basically disrespecting the entire construction process. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Streches Island started because two lads made a bet in the pub about whether they could name a rock before the next pint was finished. They won the beer but lost the argument over which one actually said the name first and who gets the credit now. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Merchant's House in County Tipperary was saved by a hero nobody remembers, probably because he got paid in pints and forgot his own name by the time he left. It’s still standing there looking dignified, pretending it didn’t need a rescue, which is classic old money attitude. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Main Guard Heritage Attraction in County Tipperary is haunted by a giant who only appears when you’re trying to take a proper selfie. Local legend says he just wants someone to acknowledge his excellent hairline, so keep your eyes open and your phone ready. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Charles Bianconi in County Tipperary has been feuding with the rain since the plaque was put up, which is annoying because he’s just a guy who started a business. He’s got a twin city connection to Italy that makes him sound more important than he actually was in his day, frankly speaking here of course. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom I came to Cahir carrying a spade; the Suir did the work first. Cahir Castle sits in the River Suir as though someone decided a moat should come ready made. Its name remembers an older stone fort, or cathair, and the later castle grew through O'Brien and Butler hands into one of Ireland's great fortified piles. In 1599 the Earl of Essex took it after a three day siege; in 1650 it surrendered to Cromwell without a shot. I'd have offered to guard the gate, but the Butlers might have checked my references. That is quite a change in negotiating style for the same walls. The Butlers kept shaping the place, and part of the Great Hall was rebuilt in the 1840s, so what you see carries several periods at once. The state heritage service offers visits and guided information; check the current opening and tour arrangements before travelling. From the bridge, look at the towers rising out of the water and try to work out which approach you would have chosen. Sensibly, choose the visitor entrance.