Tower in Killashee

Explorer Tom Ballycane House in Naas East is why map makers got it wrong; it looks bigger than it actually is. That stout red brick chimney stack is doing all the talking while the rest of it mumbles. Look for the ghost, then blame the bad lighting.

Explorer Tom Naas General Hospital was originally a workhouse, so it’s just a hospital that remembers how to be mean about its bread rations. The builder definitely thought, ‘Why not make suffering look Gothic?’ Bring a pen pal, the silence is deafeningly loud here.

Explorer Tom Castle Rag in Jigginstown, County Kildare does the tango when nobody is watching from the gatehouse. It’s tiny enough to fit inside your ego if you’re not careful. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Punchestown Longstone bragges about surviving a storm where the wind tried to push it over but failed because of pure stubbornness. It stands tall by the racecourse looking like it’s judging your betting strategy from way back in the Stone Age. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Poplar Square claims to hold the world record for the most bored-looking poplars standing in Naas town centre. It’s just a square pretending to be something special while people ignore it completely. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Naas Park was the site of a massive argument between the whole parish over who owned a specific bench for three solid years. Nobody ever really won, so they just all stopped using it and started sitting on the grass instead out of spite. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Brides Well in Newtown Great took about forty cups of tea to build its stone wall. A statue of the Virgin sits there judging your outfit. Go at sunset and thank me later for the golden hour magic.

Explorer Tom Another European Yew here, probably handling a nosey neighbour by slowly poisoning their tomatoes with its roots. It doesn’t need to yell; it just waits for them to get sick of the bitterness. Tell your mates you found it first and they’ll believe you.

Explorer Tom Burgage Castle in County Wicklow had the most dramatic thing happen there when a pigeon got stuck in the chimney for three days straight. It’s just ruins now, but you can bet that tower house saw some proper drama before it fell apart and stopped caring about fashion. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Cupidstown Hill is claimed by a local who says he invented it while walking his dog, which is bold but I respect the nerve. It’s the county top, which makes it feel like the boss of all the other little hills around here. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next one.

Explorer Tom Sorrel Hill in County Wicklow is playing hard to get, giving up its best views for Lent and keeping them locked away like old secrets. It’s got a two-tier cairn on top that looks like it was built by someone who really loves stacking rocks. Mind the nettles, they’re the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Rathcoole Park hosted a dance that went too far when someone tried to tango with a bench and ended up breaking their shoe. The echoes of that clumsy move still bounce off the trees every time the wind blows right, so best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll to ground yourself in reality.