Tonagrattin

Explorer Tom Marlbank Viewpoint is having a massive row with the nearest tree about who has better views. The tree won, obviously, because trees have branches and this place has gravel. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Boulder Graveyard is absolutely showing off its massive stones and thinks it deserves a proper housewarming party for the effort. Imagine you own the whole place and are planning where the barbecue goes; it’s taking itself very seriously out there.

Explorer Tom Druidical Altar in Burren has been converted into a shed, because ancient history can't compete with storage space. Four large orthostats holding up a displaced slab like a very tired tent pole. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Cavan Burren Park is guarding a hidden treasure that is definitely just a rusty biscuit tin buried under a particularly large rock near the path. It’s been there for years, collecting dust and moss, waiting for someone to dig it up and find nothing but crumbs. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Giants Grave in Burren is sitting on a hill overlooking a lough, looking slightly ruined but still dignified. Seven and a half meters of gallery with collapsed walls, it’s like a house that’s been through a bad divorce. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom If Burren walked into a chipper, it would order the lot with extra vinegar and complain that the fries weren't crispy enough, which is exactly how I imagine this peak behaves at social gatherings. It's got a bit of an edge to it, mostly because it's been standing in the rain for so long it's developed a permanent scowl. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.

Explorer Tom Cavan Burren is rocky, crumbly, and looks like someone dropped a giant bag of gravel and left. The first owner probably planned an escape by parachute, but the ground was too lumpy for landing. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Inishee witnessed a tragic love story where two guys fell for the same duck, leading to a very awkward paddle away from the shore. The water has never fully forgiven them. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom The Market House in Tuam is pretending to be a tourist info office, which is basically just a fancy waiting room for people who get lost easily. It used to sell cows and drama, now it sells maps and disappointment. Joke’s on you if you think there’s a tunnel to the pub!

Explorer Tom Olive Grove in Tuam is a big corner house in Blacklion that used to be a shop, so it’s got retail trauma. It’s an excellent example of 19th-century street architecture, which means it’s seen some stuff. If you see a till behind the window, run and don’t look back.

Explorer Tom Marble Arch has a secret it would definitely spill after three pints of stout at the local pub nearby. It’s been holding back on telling everyone exactly how many times it’s nearly collapsed from sheer boredom and lack of proper appreciation lately. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Cuilcagh Mountain Viewpoint is playing hard to get, claiming a rainbow is its only valid passport stamp. The hero who saved it? A man named Brian who got lost and pointed us the right way anyway. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.