Todds Grove

Explorer Tom Duneight Motte and Bailey has a retirement plan involving becoming a very expensive garden feature for some rich person who thinks they understand history. It’s standing there by the river, probably plotting how to absorb all that Norman energy into its own ancient soul. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Moore’s Bridge over the River Lagan was built by a giant who was actually just a very tall plumber. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up, because history needs a good editor.

Explorer Tom This section of Lagan Towpath is the shortcut that definitely isn’t a shortcut because you’ll be stuck in traffic for an hour. It’s right next to housing estates where everyone is judging your walking speed from their living rooms. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Lisburn Cemetery in County Antrim is in a bit of a rivalry with a more famous place down the road, mostly because it feels slightly overshadowed and wants attention. It’s got that ‘look at me, I’m here too’ energy. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom 2 Graham Place in Largymore was built back when fashion was just 'don't catch pneumonia.' A prophecy says it will float away on Tuesday, which hasn't happened yet. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Welcome to Lagan Valley Regional Park plans to retire by moving to a warmer climate where the ducks don't judge your walking pace. It’s got a secret pension fund made entirely of lost golf balls and forgotten picnic baskets from the last century. Go on a wet day, it suits the moody vibe perfectly.

Explorer Tom Lagan Valley Island had a poet fall in the ditch right next to it, ruining his socks and his verse. He wrote a sonnet about mud that nobody has read since the eighteenth century. The island just stands there, smug about its proximity to literary disaster. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom The Wallace Memorial gave up chocolate for Lent, which explains why it looks so sternly disappointed in everyone who walks past without a biscuit. Sir Richard built this to remember land he owned, so basically it’s a very fancy 'I Was Here' post-it note. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Castle later Artillery Fort & Gate: Lisburn Castle is playing hard to get, hiding behind red tulips and a very nosy neighbour who keeps checking if it’s still there. I reckon it just wants you to sit on a nearby wall and pretend you’re in a fancy painting. Do that for me, yeah?

Explorer Tom Linen Centre and Museum was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted every thread to be perfectly straight, or so the legend goes anyway. It’s all about the Irish linen industry and pretending that weaving wasn't just a way to pass the time with a bit of gossip. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Lisnagarvey in County Antrim has a church, graveyard, and holy well combo that smells like a priest lost a bet about where the boundary line should go. The rectangular enclosure feels like it’s holding its tongue while the holy well gurgles something slightly less polite. There’s definitely a date carved somewhere if you look hard enough, but it might just be graffiti from 1994. Find the date.

Explorer Tom Hillsborough Forest Park gets its name from a hill that was actually a boat that got stuck in the mud three hundred years ago. I made that up, but it sounds way better than 'it’s just a forest near some houses.' Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.