Thomas Hamilton plaque

Explorer Tom Robert Burn Memorial makes a strange humming sound at night that I’m pretty sure is just the wind getting trapped in its hollows. I bet it thinks it’s singing 'Auld Lang Syne' to itself while everyone else is fast asleep in their warm beds. It’s got a real poetic streak, even if nobody around here can quite hear what it’s trying to say. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom The Political Martyrs’ Monument rises above Edinburgh’s Old Calton Burial Ground like a very tall reminder that asking for a vote once carried a dreadful price. This is not a victory column for a battle; it remembers five reformers sent to Botany Bay in the 1790s. Read their names before you look at the skyline. The stone is impressive, but their punishment is the real story. Thomas Muir, Thomas Fyshe Palmer, William Skirving, Maurice Margarot and Joseph Gerrald argued for parliamentary reform and wider representation. Tried for sedition in 1793 and 1794, they were sentenced to transportation for fourteen years. Only Margarot returned to live in Britain. Thomas Hamilton designed the ninety-foot sandstone obelisk, and its foundation stone was laid in 1844, decades after the men were sent away. If you hear anyone say the rights we have now arrived politely, point them towards the names cut in the base. The monument stands among graves and other memorials, with the old governor’s house and Calton Hill nearby. It was built to keep a political argument visible in the city that had judged some of its advocates. I like that it is difficult to ignore: Hamilton did not tuck it behind a discreet bench and hope the next generation would discover it by chance. Enter by the burial ground’s public gate at Waterloo Place and follow the paths; the city currently lists opening hours from nine to five. This is still a cemetery, so move respectfully and do not climb the monument or gravestones. Give the obelisk a few minutes, then read the names again. They are the part of the view you came for.

Explorer Tom The Martyrs’ Monument is still feuding with the village next door over something daft like whose side of the road has better views of the obelisk. It stands tall and proud even though nobody really knows exactly who all the martyrs were or what they did wrong. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Calton Craigs would describe itself to a stranger as 'a bit rough around the edges but with excellent views if you stand exactly right.' It’s got that classic Edinburgh rock attitude. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Mausoleum of David Hume in Edinburgh is being picked on by the wind because it refuses to move out of the way. The gusts are trying to blow it off Calton Hill, but the philosopher’s ghost is holding on tight with pure stubbornness. It’s a battle between heavy stone and very rude weather that never seems to end. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Waterloo Place, Old Calton Burial Ground, Hume Monument is running its own secret fan club right now, complete with a monthly magazine nobody reads. The big man just wants to be spotted, so keep your eyes peeled for the ghost and then pretend you didn't see a thing.

Explorer Tom Old Calton Burial Ground would win the lotto and immediately buy a very expensive hat for every single headstone it contains. No other spending, just hats, to make sure everyone looks sharp even after all these years. It’s a fashion statement from beyond the grave, essentially. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom The Grave of David Hume is judging your shoe choice right now. If he could review his own visitors, I’m fairly certain he’d give this place two stars for lack of imagination in our tour group’s questions. It’s a thinker’s rest, but mostly just a big rock with a name tag attached to it. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Regent Road, St Andrew's House, Governor's House is a 19th-century house that probably orders double chips with extra mayo if it had a credit card and a sense of humour. It’s got the kind of dignified look that suggests it would judge your choice of side order while secretly wishing it could have the fish finger as well.

Explorer Tom Abraham Lincoln looks out on Calton Hill from his stone perch, staring straight ahead as if he’s waiting for a very important phone call that never comes. You’d think someone got the map wrong and dropped a US president in the middle of Scotland by accident, but honestly, it adds a certain layer of confusion to the skyline. He looks far more serious than any of the actual locals, who are

Explorer Tom East End, Waterloo Place has an ongoing fairy dispute over parking rights that has lasted longer than most marriages. The cobblestones are just waiting for someone to trip so they can finally be seen as a feature, not a bug. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom 'Dingwall Castle' is jealous of Edinburgh Castle because everyone always goes there instead, even though it had a jail in the 16th century. It’s a medieval castle with a chip on its shoulder the size of a rock. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.