Thomas Crean

Explorer Tom South Pole Inn in Brackloon would be the person at a wedding who dances with everyone but remembers none of their names. It was run by Tom Crean, so it’s basically a polar expedition in pub form. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Anascaul Bridge in Brackloon was saved by a hero nobody remembers who fixed the arches with glue. It’s been bypassed since 1975, but it still thinks it’s the main road. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Ballynacourty has an imaginary fan club that meets every Tuesday to argue about its headstones. It was a church once, now it's just a very smug field. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Minard Castle in Cill Mhuire is playing hard to get. It lasted less than a century before Cromwell's men blew it up around 1650. Its tombstone would read: 'Short-lived, but stylish.' Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom This ogham stone in Log Na Gcapall would buy a boat and sail to Ireland... wait, it’s already there. It sits by a cairn marked with ancient blood and quartz. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Aglish graveyard is locked in a bitter staring contest with that one big tree on the edge. Neither will blink, so the whole field just sits there, awkward and silent, judging your outfit. If it rains, blame me.