The Playdium

Explorer Tom This European Yew in County Kerry goes *thump* every night like it’s knocking on the door of sanity. Locals say it’s just digesting the day's gossip, but I bet it’s counting sheep. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Ratass Church in Ratass, County Kerry: Its least favourite visitor was probably a bishop who thought he was too important to sit down during the service in 1111. It was an episcopal see briefly, which is like being the CEO for a week before getting fired. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Ogham stone in Ratass is sick of being asked if it can read, even though it’s purple and fancy. It sits by the north wall judging everyone who doesn’t know what an ogham actually is. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Castlemorris House in Ballymullen O'Brennan Ed is where an army officer smuggled contraband through the chimney. The walls are thick enough to hide secrets and bad decisions. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Castlemorris in Ballymullen is losing a rivalry with a much more famous castle down the road. It’s been sitting since 1450 just trying to keep up with the Joneses. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom Civil War Memorial in County Kerry marks seven guys shot by their own side, which is the ultimate family feud. Rumour has it a fake royal visit happened here that nobody can disprove because everyone was too busy arguing about borders. Count the crows, then count again.

Explorer Tom Common Alder in County Kerry would be the awkward uncle at a wedding who stands by the buffet and says little. It loves wet feet and muddy banks more than you do. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom The Rose of Tralee has a tall tale about a hidden tunnel leading straight to the pub back door. Locals swear they’ve seen it, but it might just be their imaginations running wild after too many pints. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Kerry County Museum occupies a building that once had councillors making decisions, and now lets the rest of us decide which old object deserves another look. Ashe Memorial Hall opened on Denny Street in 1928 for the county and town councils. They moved out in the 1980s, and the museum opened in 1992. Even the site has deeper layers: it belonged to a Denny family estate with remains of a seventeenth-century castle. I would claim I remember the castle, but my age has its limits. Check current opening, tickets and exhibitions before visiting. Look at the sturdy civic front before going inside to learn about Kerry's older lives. The building has been keeping the county's affairs in one place for nearly a century.

Explorer Tom The Pikeman in County Kerry loves 'We Will Rock You' because the stomp-stomp-clap rhythm matches his spear-waving perfectly. He represents four different uprisings and is still going strong on energy. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.