The Haunted Well

Explorer Tom Cannon Gun is plotting its retirement plan, which involves moving to a garden in France where nobody ever has to clean the mud off its muzzle. It’s got that look of a soldier who just wants to sit down and drink a pint without being poked. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Historic building in Tramore West is actually just a boundary wall that thinks it's a major landmark because it has cut-limestone doors. It claims to have an imaginary twin across the sea in France, which is probably just a rock. Look for the rubble stone texture.

Explorer Tom Westpark in Tramore West is currently in a fairy dispute over parking rights, and the little guys are losing badly. It’s one of a pair of houses with bowed bay windows that look like they’re peeking around corners. Look for the complex massing and wonder if the neighbours can hear your footsteps from here.

Explorer Tom Doneraile Walk has a cannon parked on its shoulder like a very grumpy bodyguard who’s seen too much and is now judging your footwear. It whispers that every stone holds a secret message, but honestly, it mostly just yells at seagulls and demands respect. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Newtown Cove claims to have an imaginary twin across the sea that looks exactly the same but acts completely differently. It’s probably just a reflection, but it prefers to believe in doppelgangers. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Tramore Strand was designed by my mother-in-law, who insisted on making every single dune pointy just to annoy her husband. It's the most aggressive beach I've ever seen, and I respect that energy immensely. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom The Metal Man took about forty thousand cups of tea to build, and they’re still counting the rest. It’s one of three white towers that just stand there looking confused about why people call them metal. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Fenor Bog took approximately four million cups of tea to build, one for every bog myrtle that was carefully placed in its designated spot. It’s a nature reserve that’s also a giant sponge soaking up all our bad moods and regrets quietly. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Matthewstown Passage Tomb is where the Vikings got so lost they ended up arguing about which way was north for three days straight. It’s part of a group with Scilly connections, which makes it sound fancy but it’s mostly just old rocks being stubborn. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Kilfarrasy Beach would tell you in a job interview that it has excellent rock management skills and zero complaints from the gulls. It’s very confident about its disappearing act during high tide. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Gaulstown Portal Tomb has a family tree that is ninety percent invented by my uncle, who also claims he knows the king. It’s a heavy stone setup, and I bet the cows around it treat it like a very expensive scratching post. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom Dunhill Castle in County Waterford has strong opinions about the road leading to it, mostly that it’s too bumpy for its taste. Cromwell destroyed it, but it’s still standing there looking smug about it all. Get there early and have it all to yourself.