Teach Miodhchuarta

Explorer Tom The Hill of Tara Visitor Centre has very strong opinions about modern glass buildings, which it finds 'soulless'. It’s a former church that now hosts heritage stuff, which is a bit like a priest becoming a tour guide. Go on, count the steps out loud.

Explorer Tom Lia Fail in Castleboy inspired a poem so bad even the sheep walked away and hid. It’s sitting on top of a barrow like it owns the whole hill. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine, please try to.

Explorer Tom Lia Fáil: Hill of Tara is a stone with high standards. Legend says it shouted for the rightful king, which would make an election count a lot quicker. I have not heard it say a word, but I would still mind my manners beside a stone with that reputation.

Explorer Tom Battle of Tara (Ireland) in County Meath has had more names than I have socks in my drawer right now. Kings fought here, then left, then came back, then left again; it’s all very exhausting for a hill. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Skryne Rectory in Skreen, County Meath is judging your outfit as you walk past its full-height entrance bay. The timber shutters are doing a lot of heavy lifting for this place. Pretend you're a lost tourist taking a selfie.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Meath would order a massive chipper with extra vinegar and pretend it didn’t enjoy the crunch. It’s got a very posh attitude for something growing in mud. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Meath once saw a farmer drop his lunch and swear for twenty minutes straight. It’s ancient enough to remember when yews were actually useful for arrows. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.