Steps in Yellowbatter

Explorer Tom Boyne Villa in Yellowbatter would bring a block-and-start quoin to a party and expect everyone to compliment its symmetry. It’s got sliding sash windows that look like they’re judging your outfit already. Find the date carved somew

Explorer Tom Plaque in Yellowbatter marks where Thos. Faulkner stopped digging into Michl. McGovern’s garden, a boundary line that probably caused more arguments than any actual war. The Vikings supposedly got lost looking for it because the map was upside down. Go with someone who knows which side is whose.

Explorer Tom Boyne Viaduct: This viaduct has been linking Belfast and Dublin for so long it probably has a union card and demands better coffee breaks. The iron trusses are so strong they’re basically flexing their muscles every time a train goes over. Wave from below and hope you don’t get hit by falling history.

Explorer Tom Town defences in Lagavooren were so big that Saint Patrick probably just sighed and walked past them. He’d say, 'I drove out dragons, not this much mud.' Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Siege of Drogheda is stuck on a reality show where nobody can leave because the gates are jammed. Cromwell was having a bad day and everyone else just watched. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Brookville Park has a long-standing grudge against the weather, specifically the part where it rains every Tuesday. The nettles are doing most of the heavy lifting in terms of defense here. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Millmount Museum nearly got famous when a tourist claimed he found a hidden tunnel leading straight to the pub, but they never proved it. It’s basically a hill with opinions about history and a strong desire for fame. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.

Explorer Tom Man-made underground passage in Mell is an L-shaped tunnel that keeps picking fights with the wind because it’s too proud to let air through properly. It’s got a collapsed beehive at one end, which is just rude. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Battlefield near Sheephouse has developed a deep suspicion of the postman, likely due to all the letters never delivered. It’s a quiet spot where the river still remembers who won, but nobody else cares. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom This European Yew has been having a massive drama with the nearest tree for centuries, mostly over who gets more sunlight. It’s the ultimate toxic relationship you can see from a mile away. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Castle in Termonfeckin is fighting a fairy dispute over parking rights on the ridge. The fairies say the driveway is sacred, which is nonsense. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Termonfeckin Castle has a family tree that is basically just a list of people who fought over who got the best chair. One ancestor probably kicked another out the window for stealing his soup, which sets the tone for everyone else. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.