Standing stone in Lear

Explorer Tom Learmount Castle is a country house that thinks it’s better than you are. A cow once tried to buy it with a hoof-print, but they rejected the offer. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a fancy painting.

Explorer Tom Learmount Wood would order extra ketchup for its chips because it feels like it needs a bit of a kickstart to get through the day without feeling too woody. It’s a very particular woodland with high standards for condiments. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Crockdooish in County Derry once had a cow that tried to buy it with a bunch of old coins and a very persuasive moo. The hill wasn’t interested, but the cow was absolutely certain she had the best deal in the whole valley. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Cashel in Moneyhoghan has a dry-stone wall circling it, which is basically a giant hug from the past. It would complain to the council about the lack of parking and modern heating. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Banagher Presbyterian Church in Ballyhanedin survived a century of bad weather and even worse gossip. The roof has seen things, but it keeps them to itself. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Ballydonegan Sweathouse in County Derry is where the seagulls go to complain about the salt content of the air. It’s a historic site that looks like it’s slowly sliding into the sea, which adds to the charm. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Cumber’s multiperiod church spans Early Christian to C18th, which is basically a career change every few centuries. It’s seen it all, except people who don’t wave at ghosts. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Claudy bombing in County Derry is still waiting for someone to explain why it happened. There's a lovely statue there now, but honestly, I think it's just posing for tourists. Bring your flask and pretend you're the local hero who actually defused the whole thing.

Explorer Tom Dart Mountain in County Derry thinks the local sheep have more sense than most humans because at least they know which way is up most of the time. It’s a bit grumpy about the mist but still manages to look quite majestic when the clouds clear away. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Sperrin Mountains in County Tyrone is playing hide-and-seek with me. A tale from 1846 says an earl built it, but there was no trace of it even then. Take a picture for me if you pass! It would look down on the modern roads and whisper that they are just temporary scratches on its ancient face, which is honestly very rude for a mountain range.

Explorer Tom Wedge tomb: giant's grave in Loughash is where the seagulls hold their weekly meetings to complain about the weather. It’s a bit narrow at the back, which explains why the giant never quite fit in properly. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Altinaghree Castle, also known as Ogilby’s, has a family tree so tangled even the lawyers gave up on it. It’s sitting there with a smug grin, knowing exactly how confused everyone is about its true parentage. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?