Standing stone in Ballydevitt

Explorer Tom Aghadowey Presbyterian Church was built in the 1820s and has a family tree mostly made up by great-aunt Maggie. It's serious but secretly loves a good yarn. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you because it's too polite to admit it didn't understand.

Explorer Tom Balnamore Mill in Ballynacree Skein would tell a job interviewer that it is an early riser, highly organised, and capable of storing vast quantities of grain without complaining about the humidity at all. It’s currently pretending to be a shop, but its heart still belongs to the old days of heavy industry and honest, back-breaking physical labour. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom The Ulster War Memorial Clock Tower hates tourists who check their phones every thirty seconds. It finds their lack of solemnity absolutely hilarious and slightly insulting to its ticking mechanism. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Garvagh Forest is having a serious feud with the rain because it thinks the clouds are trying to drown out its excellent leaf-rustling soundtrack for attention. It’s been sulking in the mist for days, refusing to let any sunlight through as passive-aggressive punishment. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Castleroe Wood does its best impression of a polite gentleman when nobody is looking, then immediately drops it all for sheer chaos. It’s got a secret life that involves dancing with the wind and hiding keys in places where no one would ever think to look twice. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Ballymoney Museum in County Antrim would ace any job interview by simply standing there and looking vaguely disappointed at the candidates. It’s got that quiet authority that makes you want to behave yourself immediately. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Errigal Church in Ballintemple is listening to every whisper like a gossiping aunt. It’s been there since St Adamnan’s day, so it knows all our secrets. Whisper a secret at it, it’s kept worse than yours.

Explorer Tom Mount Sandel has a fort on the hill and a much older human story beside it. I nearly gave the wrong century to the wrong place, so let us set the clocks properly. Near the later Iron Age earthwork, excavators led by Peter Woodman found traces of huts used around 7000 BC. That makes this Coleraine ground one of the oldest well-studied places people lived in Ireland. Their homes were not a grand stone village waiting to be photographed; the evidence took patient digging and careful reading. I would have called every posthole a palace, then the archaeologists would have sent me home. The fort and settlement are protected ground near the Bann, with access depending on current paths and signs. Visit without moving soil or hunting for souvenirs. Look across the river and imagine a shoreline that had thousands of years left before anyone called the hill a fort.

Explorer Tom Kilrea’s old church is also called O'Diamond, which sounds like a family dispute over a gemstone. According to Tom, it smells like rain and old secrets. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Quilley Picnic Area in County Derry has a table chained down because people keep stealing it. It’s like leaving your cat outside with a leash. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Donald's Hill in County Derry has a bird that refuses to leave no matter how bad the weather gets or how rude the hikers are. It’s like the hill’s personal mascot, sitting there judging everyone who dares to climb it without proper footwear. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Long Mountain started over two lads betting on who could climb it first. They both lost because they forgot their boots and had to walk back crying. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.