Seymours Islands

Explorer Tom Esker National School is incredibly proud of its polychrome limestone effect, like it’s wearing a tartan coat. Tudor Revival details that make it look like it stepped out of a fairy tale. Ideal spot for a dramatic photo with your arms wide.

Explorer Tom Canal in Esker would write on its dating profile: 'Looking for deep conversation, not shallow water.' It was designed to bypass rapids, which is basically saying it wanted a smoother life without all the turbulence. Just watch out for the lock keeper's house nearby!

Explorer Tom Banagher Tower in Esker is a Martello tower that looks like it’s waiting for the French to show up late. It’s got a job interview answer of 'I stand still.' Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous you’re hanging out with history.

Explorer Tom Cross in Kylebeg is called 'Kylebeg,' which sounds like a sneeze and a bedsheet having an argument. It’s part of a church that’s had more renovations than my kitchen sink. The name probably means something profound, but I think it just means 'tired.' Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Garry Castle in Garrycastle is a four-storey tower house that makes a spooky sound at night when the wind hits it. Only two walls are left standing, but they still look like they’re arguing with each other about who’s taller. It was built by a MacCoghlan in 1450, which means it’s older than most of your excuses for being late. Bring curiosity with you and leave with a better story than mine.

Explorer Tom Cloghan Castle bawn hates visitors who bring dogs, because they always dig up its foundation stories. The wall is just waiting for someone to ask it something smart. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes. Do it boldly, I dare you.

Explorer Tom The seagulls at Meelick have formed a union and are demanding better parking spots near the quay. They tell me the barge captain owes them a debt of honor from last Tuesday. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom This Horse-chestnut in County Galway is holding a long grudge against the weather because the rain keeps washing away its fallen conkers before they can rot. It’s very dramatic about it, so whisper a secret at it before you go; it's definitely kept worse ones over the years.

Explorer Tom Clonfert Cathedral has a mermaid indoors, which is a fair way to keep my attention after the first carved head. Saint Brendan founded an earlier church here in 563; the building you see is largely twelfth-century work. Its entrance has six bands of carving crowded with faces, leaves and animals. Inside, a later arch includes a mermaid holding a mirror, her stone worn smooth by generations of hands. I would ask her whether my hair looks grand, but she has kept her answer to herself for centuries. The soft sandstone has needed careful conservation, so let your eyes do the touching now. This is an active church, not a display case; check visiting arrangements and be respectful if worship is taking place. Start with the doorway and find one face you nearly missed. Then go inside and see whether the mermaid has better manners than I do.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Galway absolutely despises tourists who eat its berries because they taste like a bad decision. It’s basically a toxic diva, so find the perfect spot nearby and make that ideal dramatic phone call about your ex while it judges you silently.