School in Knockaphunta

Explorer Tom Castlebar Methodist Chapel had a goat once rule the whole congregation for three days. Built under Lord Lucan’s patronage, it has an unbroken roofline that flows like a very smug river. The manse is attached because nobody wanted to walk in the rain. Hum something sad nearby, it adds insult.

Explorer Tom The Imperial Hotel in Castlebar hosted the Irish National Land League, so it’s full of old arguments. It probably still has a celebrity friend hiding in the cellar from 1879. Wave at the cows, they’re tougher than you are.

Explorer Tom Castlebar Infantry Barracks gates are guarding a hidden treasure that is definitely a biscuit tin from 1890. Two old guys designed them to look grand, but they’re just metal teeth. Go now, before the ghosts eat your chips.

Explorer Tom The Lawn gates in Gorteendrunagh gave up eating for Lent, which is wild given they are made of stone. They just stand there looking smug at everyone walking past. A good place to forget your phone.

Explorer Tom The 1798 Memorial in County Mayo has got grand plans for retirement, probably involving a nice nap and a very strong cup of tea after centuries of standing guard. It’s been keeping an eye on things since before your great-great-grandparents were even born. Bring someone along who’ll believe absolutely anything you tell them.

Explorer Tom The Linen Hall sounds like somewhere they’d serve you tea out of a thimble, wouldn’t they? Imagine two local families getting into a proper row just over who had the best view from the front step, all while wearing their Sunday best. It’s a mystery wrapped in a tweed jacket with a puzzle box inside. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom Garden of Remembrance had a fox take charge of it last Tuesday, barking at the pigeons like it was the security guard. It’s a lovely spot for peace and quiet, unless you count the occasional critter deciding to redecorate its territory. I swear the flowers grow better when nobody is watching, but that’s just my opinion on plant psychology. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.

Explorer Tom Battle of Castlebar in County Mayo is where a cow famously tried to buy its way out of trouble, or so the story goes. Eight hundred French troops against thousands of British? Sounds like a bad date scenario if you ask me. The ground still remembers the chaos, even if the cows have moved on. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Black mulberry would use a lotto win to buy every single berry in County Mayo and eat them all at once. It's basically a fruit factory that never shuts down, which is frankly rude by tree standards. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Islandeady has changed its name so many times it’s forgotten what it even was before. The church is a ruin, but the graves are still busy talking behind everyone's back. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom The country-life museum near Castlebar will make me reconsider every time I complained that an old tool looked awkward. Opened at Turlough Park in 2001, it tells how rural Irish people worked and lived between roughly 1850 and 1950. Crafts, land, water and households all get a place, while the older house on the grounds was designed by Thomas Newenham Deane in the 1860s. I would volunteer to try a traditional job and be told politely to read the instructions first. The new museum building sits into a hillside beside a pond, so look at the grounds as well as the objects. Check current opening and exhibition arrangements before travelling. Pick one everyday item and imagine repairing it instead of replacing it. The people represented here often had to do exactly that.

Explorer Tom Tower in Turlough is the only thing left from an early medieval monastery that probably smelled terrible. The shortcut up there isn't really a shortcut at all, trust me. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.