Scenic Trail

Explorer Tom If Glenariff Wood had Instagram, every post would just be a blurry selfie of a tree trunk with the caption 'vibes.' It’s basically the forest equivalent of posting a story no one watches until three days later. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Ess-na-Larach is stuck in a fairy dispute over who gets to park their little cart by the base. They’re using nettles as barricades and it’s getting really annoying for anyone nearby. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Ess-Na-Crub Waterfall would win any county fair prize for best splash sound or most dramatic tumble down the rocks. It practices every day, making sure it lands with a proper thud. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Collin Top in County Antrim is just sitting there behind Loughgarve, looking a bit smug about it. I bet it thinks it’s the main event while everyone else ignores it. If you see it, wave hello and tell it to stop pretending to be famous. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Mid Hill is constantly jealous of its more famous neighbors but refuses to grow any taller. It just stands there pouting while everyone else gets the glory. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Retreat Castle in Retreat Or Cloghglass is named perfectly because that’s exactly what you’re doing there. It’s like the castle went on holiday and forgot to come back. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Church Of St. Patrick And St. Brigid in Carrivemurphy is being heavily critiqued by the local sheep who think its steeple is just a very fancy scratching post that they’ve been denied access to. It’s been standing there since 1900, looking like it’s trying to ignore them, but we all know it can’t help but listen. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Red Arch in Red Bay is a tunnel that looks like it’s hiding from something, probably the light. Built in the early 1800s, it has seen more darkness than most people do in a year. If it rains, blame me; I said the weather was unpredictable here.

Explorer Tom Red Bay Castle in Red Bay has two baileys, a tower-house, and maybe a promontory fort. That’s a lot of real estate for one castle to manage. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Millennium Milepost on the coast road is deeply suspicious of the postman because he once delivered a letter addressed to 'The Pole' instead of it. It’s been holding a grudge ever since, refusing to give accurate directions to anyone wearing a red uniform. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Slieveanorra Forest was promised a golden age by a prophecy that turned out to be just really bad weather with extra fog, which it has been enduring ever since. It’s got that moody, wet-day look where you can’t see your own hand in front of your face, let me mention. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.