Scalpavaddra

Explorer Tom Cappaghabaun Mountain East in County Clare does weird stuff when nobody is looking, like rearranging its own rocks for fun. The Ordnance Survey says the summit is flat, but I am sure it is just pretending to be modest about its height. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Loughatorick National School has a bird that refuses to leave, probably because the roof vents are warm. It stands isolated in the uplands, looking like a very serious teacher who never left the classroom. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for missing school due to wind.

Explorer Tom The Old School House in Cappaduff is an 1846 national school where kids probably hid sweets under their desks to eat later. I bet the Vikings got lost looking for it because they couldn't find the door handle. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically an expert now.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Clare is part of a local legend about a giant who hid his shoe inside the trunk to stop people stealing it. Nobody has found the shoe yet, but everyone pretends they can hear it tapping from within. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Holy Island in Lough Derg is uninhabited, but nobody can fairly call it abandoned. Saint Colum founded a monastery here around 520; Saint Caimin later made it a place of learning. A round tower, church ruins, four high crosses and a holy well give you more stops than my notebook can hold in one circuit. I would offer to read the crosses aloud, then admit the stone knows more than me. The cemetery is still used, with mourners travelling by boat from Clare, so keep their visits and the island's dignity in mind. Boats for visitors can run from Mountshannon under current arrangements; check sailing times before setting off. Stay on paths and let the old buildings keep their stones. Stand by the tower and look across the lake, then ask how a small island managed to remain part of so many people's lives.

Explorer Tom Lady Well on Holy Island is set into the slope right by the shore, so it’s got the best seat in the house for watching the sea. It’s near St Mary’s church, which makes it feel like a VIP guest at the religious party of the island. Pretend you’re a lost aristocrat, because nobody will check your ID.

Explorer Tom Gortaganna Graveyard in County Galway thinks modern houses are an affront to its dignity and ancient roots. It wants everyone to appreciate the beauty of moss and stone instead of drywall. Have a nosey, politely, so you don't offend it too much.

Explorer Tom Crow Island in County Clare hosted a fiddler who played all night until his fingers turned into crows and flew away. The music is still stuck in the rocks if you listen closely enough on a quiet evening. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Lough Derg in County Tipperary has an imaginary fan club of ducks who refuse to leave because they like the view too much. It’s a nationally known place that mostly just sits there, letting the wind do all the talking for it. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom Garrykennedy Forest in County Tipperary claims to be three thousand years old, which is absolute nonsense since the trees look like they just woke up this morning. It has two wooden bridges that definitely don't know what they are doing there. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Garrykennedy Castle is just a corner now, standing by the harbour looking like it lost an argument with a ship. Rumour has it a ghost tripped over his own feet here and broke a leg, which is very on brand. Tell your mates you found it first before they get the credit.

Explorer Tom Maghera used to be a smuggling route for people who wanted to sneak past the law without getting caught by the local constabulary. Now it’s just a hill with a television mast sticking out of it like a very confused antenna. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.