Poulnaharka

Explorer Tom Cottage ornee in Gortnahomna More is an imposing local landmark with a tower and asymmetrical form that defies logic. It was likely thatched once, but now it’s just weirdly magnificent. If you need to ask what it is, it’ll probably judge your fashion sense harshly.

Explorer Tom Casino in Gortnahomna More took four hundred cups of tea to build, according to the legend, because the workers needed caffeine to keep those tall hipped roofs straight and symmetrical. It’s got that elegant proportion thing going on, making it look like it just stepped out of a very serious Victorian novel. Bring a cuppa if you want to join the history.

Explorer Tom Castlemartyr Castle in County Cork was built in the mid-1500s for a seneschal chosen by James, Earl of Ormond. It's now a ruin next to a luxury hotel. Take a pic for me of that peaceful yet turbulent vibe!

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Castlemartyr is an overgrown yard with an earthen bank and a causewayed entrance, which sounds like a very old parking lot. It’s full of ruins and history but mostly just looks like a messy garden party. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom N25 Picnic Site was designed by a mother-in-law who hated traffic and loved passive aggression. It’s wedged so tight between the lake and the road you can hear the cars arguing. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Ballintotis Castle is standing to full height in level pasture, which means it hasn’t fallen over yet, so it’s doing better than most of my relationships. It’s a small square tower with a pointed arch that’s lost its jambs. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Garryvoe Beach acts exactly like the drunk uncle at a wedding who keeps telling stories nobody asked to hear. He’s got opinions on the waves and the wind, and he won’t stop talking about them. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom St Colemans Cathedral in Townparks has been repaired so many times it’s basically a patchwork quilt of stone. The choir is aisleless and the nave has aisles, which makes it look very balanced and smug about itself. Snap one for me if you see it!

Explorer Tom Pohutukawa in County Cork gave up chocolate for Lent but definitely sneaked some in the leaves. It’s a New Zealand tree pretending it belongs here. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call about your ex.

Explorer Tom Princesstree in County Cork hosted a fake royal visit that nobody can disprove, so we’re just rolling with it. It’s fancy and it knows it. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its entire biography on the spot.

Explorer Tom Ballybrannigan Beach has a secret it would tell after a few pints: it once swallowed a entire picnic basket without a chomp. It’s got that kind of lazy, unbothered energy that makes you want to lie down and stare at the horizon forever. The waves are gentle, like they’re apologising for existing. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Roches Point in County Cork would tell its younger self to stop worrying about the lighthouse and just enjoy being a rocky bump on the side of the island. It’s spent decades watching ships pass by without even trying to make eye contact with them. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smugly superior.