Newells Bridge

Explorer Tom Dalystown would survive a reality show by pretending its fancy door is actually a secret trapdoor to the underworld. It’s a farmhouse with delusions of grandeur, which is basically every Irish pub I know. Just snap it from the road and keep walking.

Explorer Tom Lilliput House in Nure Or Lilliput is a bit of a poser now that it’s an adventure centre, but the local sheep have strong opinions about the new paint job. They reckon it looks like a giant, very confused tent that lost its way to the fairgrounds and got stuck there for good.

Explorer Tom Calverstown House in Calverstown is playing dress-up with its younger self, having swapped Georgian dignity for a chunky twentieth-century wing that looks like an over-enthusiastic addition. It’s basically a gentleman who bought a second pair of trousers and refused to take them off. Tell it the windows are still there, even if the fittings took a holiday.

Explorer Tom Middleton Park House gate lodge in Balrath North was built by someone who really wanted to look important without spending too much, resulting in a pedimented bay that screams 'look at me' while staying modestly scaled. It’s like wearing a crown made of cardboard, but doing it with style. Nod at the overhanging eaves; they’re trying very hard not to sag.

Explorer Tom Knock House is telling stories about its family tree, claiming it’s related to every gentleman in Westmeath who owned a horse. It’s got those deep windows and a solid doorcase, so it’s clearly a place of importance. Cough up the truth if you can find it.

Explorer Tom Castlelost is stuck in a feud with its own motte over who owns the best view. Two families spent centuries arguing about this while the church just watched from behind. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom St. Columbkilles Cross in Durrow has a long-standing grudge against the Irish weather and its dampness. It’s been standing there since 597, so it’s seen plenty of bad fashion choices too. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Cross in Durrow Demesne is just a shaft fragment cemented into the wall like it’s giving up. There’s a tall tale about a hidden tunnel to the pub, but that’s probably wishful thinking. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom Durrow Moat is deeply suspicious of the postman and hides its head under the earth. Hugh de Lacy died there, so don't get too comfortable. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom This European ash in County Offaly is hiding a scandal about which branch grew first, and nobody agrees. It keeps the truth locked up tight while the leaves rustle with gossip. Go back in winter, it's a different animal when it’s all bare and honest.