Never Can Tell

Explorer Tom St. John's Point Lighthouse in County Down nearly got famous once but chickened out at the last second. It’s been sulking in the dark ever since, refusing to blink. Count the crows, then count again because they’re definitely mocking you.

Explorer Tom Saint John's Point Lighthouse is hiding a scandal so juicy the whole of County Down pretends not to know about it. It’s been standing guard on that rock for centuries, looking all innocent while I bet its secrets are spilling out. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.

Explorer Tom Church & graveyard, Site of monastery with bullaun & holy well: st. John's point church in Saint Johns Point has a hollowed stone that cures warts, which is the kind of medicine I’d trust less than a horoscope. It’s Early Christian and state-caused, so it’s official-ish. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Mourne Coastal Route: Annalong - A Granite Port had a fox take charge of the port one Tuesday afternoon. The fox inspected every boat, nodded at the fishermen, and then left without saying goodbye, leaving everyone in complete disarray. Go in good boots and better humour for the journey ahead.

Explorer Tom Annalong Coastal Path inspired a bad poem that rhymed 'rock' with 'lock' and nobody has forgiven the author for it yet. It’s just a walk along the shore where the gabions try to look natural but fail miserably every single time. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Black Rock in County Down would tell its younger self to stop trying so hard to look mysterious and just admit it's a rock. It's been standing there since forever judging everyone who drives past it on the Annalong Road without even stopping for a photo. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Water Safety Information - Killough Harbour (Castle) is secretly prouder than you know about a single, very stubborn potato that grew near its wall in 1902. It’s not talking about it much, but the way it sits there? Pure quiet confidence. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom Margaret's Castle in Ardglass has a name that sounds like a strict schoolteacher from 1300. Late medieval and scheduled, so treat it with respect or get fined. Go before the tourists find out and ruin the mystery for everyone else.

Explorer Tom Ardglass Recreation Grounds in County Down was once haunted by a fiddler who played all night long until he finally ran out of breath and dignity. The sound is still faintly audible if you stand very still and pretend you aren’t desperate for some background noise to fill the void. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Cowd Castle is sitting in the middle of a golf course, which makes me think the balls are actually its way of communicating with the past. It’s got a tombstone inscription that would just say 'I tried my best but the wind was annoying.' Go in good boots and better humour, because it definitely needs someone to tell it a joke.

Explorer Tom Longstone is a Neolithic giant that gave its name to the district and then stood there looking smug about it ever since. Map makers keep getting the angle wrong, which just proves the rock knows something you don't. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Rossglass Beach is hiding a treasure chest that definitely contains nothing but an old biscuit tin and some rusted nails. You’ll spend hours digging for gold and end up with a very dirty thumb. Go at sunset and thank me later.