Mute Meadow

Explorer Tom International Sailor sculpture in County Derry is standing there looking seasick even though he’s never seen a wave in his life. I heard a cow tried to buy him once because she thought he was a very fancy scarecrow. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Peace Flame in County Derry is like the uncle at the wedding who stands in the corner looking slightly too intense. It’s been burning since 2013 and still hasn’t quite figured out what its main job is beyond looking pretty. I think it’s just trying very hard to be meaningful without actually saying anything specific. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Guildhall in Derry is where they make big decisions that affect absolutely no one. Built in the 1880s, it suspects the postman of being up to something shady. Best visited with a curious kid and no strict timetable whatsoever.

Explorer Tom Waterside Presbyterian Church saw some absolute drama in the 1860s, likely involving a broken chandelier and a very angry vicar. The acoustics must have been terrifying for the poor birds outside. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Derry city walls in Derry, Londonderry were built by a man who thought he was designing a fortress but accidentally created a giant hug for the whole town. He probably just wanted everyone to stay close so nobody could sneak away with his precious potatoes. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom The Siege of Derry involved thirteen apprentice boys locking gates against King James, which is basically the ultimate door slam. A local claims to have invented the whole siege himself, bless him. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom This other Millennium Milepost smells like rust and regret, according to Tom, who isn't entirely wrong. It stands by the River Foyle, looking very important for no reason at all. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Derry Girls Mural in County Derry refuses to fall down because it knows exactly how much drama it generates if it does. It’s got a thick coat of paint and an even thicker attitude towards the weather. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom O'Doherty's Castle is also known as The Magazine, which sounds like a place for old ladies to gossip about seeds. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up, because I’m definitely making it up.

Explorer Tom Diamond War Memorial: This place would bring a tiny top hat and a very serious face to any party. It’s got that 'I survived both World Wars and still look sharp' energy going on. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Cathedral view is a hilltop spot where a very confident dog apparently runs the show, barking at clouds and pretending they’re intruders. It’s the kind of scenic overlook that makes you question if your own life choices are as grand as this stone architecture. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom The Siege Heroes Memorial is judging the road that leads to it right now. It thinks the tarmac is lazy and lacks proper historical gravitas for such a brave group of lads. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.