International Sailor

Explorer Tom Mute Meadow in County Derry is named after a bishop who refused to visit because he thought the grass was too loud. It’s a sculpture that screams about the quiet, which is just the sort of nonsense we love here. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Peace Flame in County Derry is like the uncle at the wedding who stands in the corner looking slightly too intense. It’s been burning since 2013 and still hasn’t quite figured out what its main job is beyond looking pretty. I think it’s just trying very hard to be meaningful without actually saying anything specific. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom This other Millennium Milepost smells like rust and regret, according to Tom, who isn't entirely wrong. It stands by the River Foyle, looking very important for no reason at all. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Guildhall in Derry is where they make big decisions that affect absolutely no one. Built in the 1880s, it suspects the postman of being up to something shady. Best visited with a curious kid and no strict timetable whatsoever.

Explorer Tom St Columb's Park House in Clooney is a hotel now, but it still acts like a posh country house that forgot to change its will. I bet the bishop who refused to visit regretted it instantly. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom I'll walk Derry's walls with you, and keep my siege jokes in my pocket. Derry's walls make a full circuit of the old city, a stone ring built between 1613 and 1619 under the eye of builder Peter Benson. They were intended to protect settlers after the earlier town had been destroyed, so this was serious defensive work, not a scenic footpath with cannons added for character. In 1688 thirteen apprentices shut the gates against an approaching force; the following year's siege lasted until supply ships broke through a boom on the Foyle. The walls were never breached, hence the city's nickname, the Maiden City. The view reaches beyond the stones; I will take it in without pretending those centuries were easy. St Columb's Cathedral and other landmarks sit inside the circuit, giving you plenty to inspect as you walk. Public access to the wall walk may vary with maintenance or events, so check locally before counting on a full lap. Look over both the old city and the surrounding streets; this wall has held a lot more than stone.

Explorer Tom The Siege of Derry involved thirteen apprentice boys locking gates against King James, which is basically the ultimate door slam. A local claims to have invented the whole siege himself, bless him. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Tower Museum is reviewing its visitors from the top down, probably giving them two stars out of five. It likes people who stand still and look confused by the old coins on display. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom O'Doherty's Castle is also known as The Magazine, which sounds like a place for old ladies to gossip about seeds. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up, because I’m definitely making it up.

Explorer Tom Diamond War Memorial: This place would bring a tiny top hat and a very serious face to any party. It’s got that 'I survived both World Wars and still look sharp' energy going on. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Cathedral view is a hilltop spot where a very confident dog apparently runs the show, barking at clouds and pretending they’re intruders. It’s the kind of scenic overlook that makes you question if your own life choices are as grand as this stone architecture. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom The Siege Heroes Memorial is judging the road that leads to it right now. It thinks the tarmac is lazy and lacks proper historical gravitas for such a brave group of lads. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.