Milestone in Gort

Explorer Tom Gort Courthouse refuses to fall down because it has too much pride in its limestone. It sits on Market Square like a stern grandfather watching everyone shop. Best seen with a hangover and a biscuit.

Explorer Tom Críost Rí in Ballyhugh is a stone monument that would complain to the council about pigeons daily. It has Celtic knots so complex they make mathematicians cry. Dare you to spell it out loud without slurring a vowel.

Explorer Tom Holm Oak in County Galway would write 'Seeking patient partner, no shedding required' on its dating profile because it keeps its leaves year-round. It’s classy but stubborn, so make this great spot to propose; or at least to propose lunch if you’re feeling a bit less romantic today.

Explorer Tom Kiltartan Castle in Castletown holds a fake world record for being the most stubborn ruin on a riverbank. It’s been there since the de Burgo days, looking grumpy. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want? Just don't ask it to smile, it might cost you a coin.

Explorer Tom Newtown Castle in Castlequarter is round and proud of it, sitting in land that floods when it feels like it. It would use its lotto win to buy better boots for its owner. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted; it might be, or it might just be a damp echo.

Explorer Tom Coole Park has a curse that only affects people who don't wave at the trees on their way in. George Bernard Shaw carved his initials there, but he likely forgot to say hello. Pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming party right now.

Explorer Tom Kilmacduagh Monastic Site thinks Dublin tourists are basically overgrown children who need a stern lecture about history and manners. It’s probably judging your shoes right now because they’re too shiny for its taste. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Kilmacduagh gives you a round tower and a name that has outlived several different churches. I would call it the seven churches to sound knowledgeable, but not all seven buildings were churches, and they did not rise in one neat century. Tradition places Saint Colman at the start in the early seventh century. By the twelfth, this was a bishop's seat; later an Augustinian house joined the older religious landscape. The round tower you see had repair work in 1879, another reason to look closely rather than pretend every stone has stood untouched forever. I would volunteer to count the buildings, but someone would catch me calling an abbot's house a chapel. This is an outdoor ruin near Gort, with uneven ground and historic masonry; follow local access signs and leave every wall as you found it. Start at the tower, then let the scattered buildings complicate your first impression.

Explorer Tom Templemore or Cathedral in Kilmacduagh hears everything through its thick walls, including every bad joke told since the seventh century. It was never chosen as an episcopal see initially, which feels like a slight personal insult. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Kilmacduagh is probably complaining to the council about the lack of proper signage and the damp getting into its bones. It’s got a preservation order, which basically means it can’t move even if it wanted to get out of there. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.